I can't even count the number of people who come to my house and ask me for paper towels and I say "I don't buy them" and then they give me a puzzled look. Too many. That's all I know. It took my husband a while also. But I think paper towels are such a waste. Like diapers. We spend money on them, get them dirty, then throw them away. Makes no sense to me. So I don't buy them. I'd like to use cloth diapers too, but my husband is NOT into that. He's still adjusting after five years to life without paper towels. What do we use? RAGS. CLOTH napkins. We use them, wash them, and put them back in the drawer. Easy. And cheaper. I feel the same way about paper plates, plastic silverware, plastic cups...
Two things about this made me laugh today. One, when I was young I used to SWEAR to my mom that I'd NEVER do dishes b/c I'd NEVER use ANYTHING but paper plates. Well, now I have nice dishes and cloth napkins of my own and I don't understand not using them. Second, I have a WHOLE CABINET FULL of paper products! Really? HOW?
Friday, February 25, 2011
Sometimes this blog just needs to be real...
Like many people, I use this blog to document my life. I am printing it off every so often so that I have our life "story", plus some extra, to look back on. When I told someone my plan, they asked, so are you gonna take out some blogs and just leave the 'happy' ones. After just a moment of thought I decided "no". You see, I really want to keep up with what is ACTUALLY going on for several reasons. One, if something ever happens to me before my kids have children, I want them to know that I had the same frustrations they are having, the same fears, the same mess ups. This is my way to say, "I'm here for you" even if I'm not. Second, I need to remember how it truly was someday when my kids ask for advice. I don't want the passing years to make me forget the bad and make my child feel like I never had ANY problems with my kids simply because those memories aren't what I stored for 30 years. Third, others read this. Not a lot. But some do. And if I can help even just one mother who doubts herself and her mothering ability by showing her that she's not the only one who loves her kids dearly, but some days wants to run down the street screaming, then maybe hanging out at my computer instead of cleaning will be more justified. So. Here is this week's challenge.
Carson is becoming funnier and harder than ever. One minute he's cracking me up and the next I feel like I might lose it. His new favorite thing to say to me, that really sets me off is "NO. I SAID I don't want to." Ugh. We've been having to have a lot of heart to hearts about who is in charge. Today he came in and asked, "Can I be in charge today?" Uh. No.
As a parent these days, I feel there is a lot of pressure to parent as a friend more than as a PARENT. And that's just not how I roll. I want to teach him limits and how to follow rules, I want him to understand he doesn't get everything when he wants it and that he has to work for some things. Most of all, I want him to have, for lack of a better word, a 'fear' of me when I give him the "look" for misbehaving. I want to be able to snap my fingers in public and he act right. I feel that I have his whole life to be his friend and right now I need to be his parent. But. It's. A. Hard. Job.
Just the other night, I was telling him it was time to go to bed and he asked for "just ONE more show" I said no and he jumped in my lap, rubbed my face and said, "But you're so pretty Mama". ..
Now. How am I supposed to stay tough with THAT happening???
Then there's the opposite problem, when he sits down and refuses to do whatever it is that you just asked and he just cries, and I mean the 'can't speak, snot hanging down into the mouth, drool off the chin, RIDICULOUS cry'. It's so frustrating you want to punish them for acting like that, but like THAT's gonna stop the crying. So what do you do? Act calm and walk away or argue with whoever took over your sweet boys' body? I guess it depends on how many times that scene played out in just one day. Because sometimes I find myself arguing with "it" for a while before I realize I'm wasting my time and that I must wait until Carson returns...
Other downfall of this new age, he's not napping as regularly. My kids have always been sleepers, but more days than not, Carson just plays in his bed or on his mat at school rather than nap...which isn't really a big deal, but when he doesn't nap, the evenings are most likely going to be a nightmare. Boo.
It's just tough. He's tough. And sweet. And it's a real shame that one of the sweetest ages has to also be SO hard.
To top it all off, we STILL have two houses. We have our 59th showing today. 59TH! Let me remind you that just in spring of 2009 FIVE houses in my neighborhood sold in under 10 days on the market. Now we are looking at losing at LEAST half of what we put into it, not to mention the THOUSANDS of dollars it's costing us to still have the house. So 58 times now I obsess and check my email over and over and over until I get let down by a "found another house" feedback notification. I just want to move on.
But, either way, we are all making it. We aren't DOING much. But we are making it. And, it's almost spring time... :)
Carson is becoming funnier and harder than ever. One minute he's cracking me up and the next I feel like I might lose it. His new favorite thing to say to me, that really sets me off is "NO. I SAID I don't want to." Ugh. We've been having to have a lot of heart to hearts about who is in charge. Today he came in and asked, "Can I be in charge today?" Uh. No.
As a parent these days, I feel there is a lot of pressure to parent as a friend more than as a PARENT. And that's just not how I roll. I want to teach him limits and how to follow rules, I want him to understand he doesn't get everything when he wants it and that he has to work for some things. Most of all, I want him to have, for lack of a better word, a 'fear' of me when I give him the "look" for misbehaving. I want to be able to snap my fingers in public and he act right. I feel that I have his whole life to be his friend and right now I need to be his parent. But. It's. A. Hard. Job.
Just the other night, I was telling him it was time to go to bed and he asked for "just ONE more show" I said no and he jumped in my lap, rubbed my face and said, "But you're so pretty Mama". ..
Now. How am I supposed to stay tough with THAT happening???
Then there's the opposite problem, when he sits down and refuses to do whatever it is that you just asked and he just cries, and I mean the 'can't speak, snot hanging down into the mouth, drool off the chin, RIDICULOUS cry'. It's so frustrating you want to punish them for acting like that, but like THAT's gonna stop the crying. So what do you do? Act calm and walk away or argue with whoever took over your sweet boys' body? I guess it depends on how many times that scene played out in just one day. Because sometimes I find myself arguing with "it" for a while before I realize I'm wasting my time and that I must wait until Carson returns...
Other downfall of this new age, he's not napping as regularly. My kids have always been sleepers, but more days than not, Carson just plays in his bed or on his mat at school rather than nap...which isn't really a big deal, but when he doesn't nap, the evenings are most likely going to be a nightmare. Boo.
It's just tough. He's tough. And sweet. And it's a real shame that one of the sweetest ages has to also be SO hard.
To top it all off, we STILL have two houses. We have our 59th showing today. 59TH! Let me remind you that just in spring of 2009 FIVE houses in my neighborhood sold in under 10 days on the market. Now we are looking at losing at LEAST half of what we put into it, not to mention the THOUSANDS of dollars it's costing us to still have the house. So 58 times now I obsess and check my email over and over and over until I get let down by a "found another house" feedback notification. I just want to move on.
But, either way, we are all making it. We aren't DOING much. But we are making it. And, it's almost spring time... :)
Friday, February 11, 2011
What have I become?
The snow has really put a damper on things around here... Having all the snow days has been great in many ways, don't get me wrong. I had a ball last week playing w Carson in the snow. But enough already!!! I have totally lost control of so many routines in my life. Especially cleaning the house. I mean, I have cleaned and cleaned on it, but when we are home ALL THE TIME I just can't KEEP it clean. It's dumb. Plus, there is the side of me that's sayin "It's a snow day, let things go". Well, we've had almost two weeks of them now and well, that "let it go" mentality has crept into my eating habits, my workout habits, my laundry habits and my personal hygiene habits... first shower since MONDAY this morning... I mean really, I'm turning into a sloth.
And what's funny, is we've had all this time to get into projects that need to be done, but there is something about too much free time that messes me all up. I don't function well when I just have all the time in the world. I feel useless and lazy. I like being BUSY. I've been doing OK keeping up with work. I have deadlines I've set for myself there, it's just every other aspect. It's not pretty.
So rather than tackling the mess and try to make things nice and clean for the weekend, I'm thinking "why bother?" it will ALL just get messy again within an hour of the kids waking up. Pick up the toys? Why? Laundry? Why?
Speaking of laundry, I don't even know how we have so much. I mean last time I changed clothes before this morning was Monday night (I know DISGUSTING! Oh wait, I threw on some jeans the other day for an hour or so since we had COMPANY) And my kids have just been in PJ's. And Josh can't wear THAT much just to work, most of his things are dry cleaned anyway, so where is it coming from???? Oh and we have trash coming out of our ears, well garage, since the trash service was delayed due to our snow packed neighborhood. So really Kendall. Get off your butt and DO SOMETHING!!!
I'm sure I will in a moment. Or maybe I'll wait until Sunday and get it all done for the week ahead. The week ahead where there is NO SNOW in the forecast!!!! I am so ready to get back to "normal"~
And what's funny, is we've had all this time to get into projects that need to be done, but there is something about too much free time that messes me all up. I don't function well when I just have all the time in the world. I feel useless and lazy. I like being BUSY. I've been doing OK keeping up with work. I have deadlines I've set for myself there, it's just every other aspect. It's not pretty.
So rather than tackling the mess and try to make things nice and clean for the weekend, I'm thinking "why bother?" it will ALL just get messy again within an hour of the kids waking up. Pick up the toys? Why? Laundry? Why?
Speaking of laundry, I don't even know how we have so much. I mean last time I changed clothes before this morning was Monday night (I know DISGUSTING! Oh wait, I threw on some jeans the other day for an hour or so since we had COMPANY) And my kids have just been in PJ's. And Josh can't wear THAT much just to work, most of his things are dry cleaned anyway, so where is it coming from???? Oh and we have trash coming out of our ears, well garage, since the trash service was delayed due to our snow packed neighborhood. So really Kendall. Get off your butt and DO SOMETHING!!!
I'm sure I will in a moment. Or maybe I'll wait until Sunday and get it all done for the week ahead. The week ahead where there is NO SNOW in the forecast!!!! I am so ready to get back to "normal"~
Friday, February 4, 2011
Our escape!
Well, we ventured out at lunch today. I told Josh he HAD to get me out of this house. So my too sweet husband came home at lunch and put the car seat in his car and loaded us all up. Of course, he couldn't get up the drive so we had to hike down to the street. Which is kinda far, as far as neighborhoods go...
We had a great lunch. Had no problems on the road, other than the fact that they are terrible, we made it just fine. The problems didn't come until we got home. We headed up the drive, which is pretty steep, got stuck, rolled back, tried again, got stuck, rolled back, tried again, for about 5 times... Then we decided to get a running start at it, backed WAY up and yep! Got stuck. Tried to get unstuck, but couldn't go forward, got stuck again, further away from the house. I was filming all of this and rolling, but Josh was kinda mad and said I had to stop filming and not show anyone... sorry.... he said NOTHING about not blogging about our adventures....
We had a neighbor come by and try to help, but J ended up having to just back all the way down one street and go around. He made it back and once again, could NOT get up the drive. It's steep, like I said. So, he gives up, backs out and attempts to park on the curb, BUT GETS STUCK. LOL. He was mad again, I was laughing again. I mean, if you're gonna be stuck, be stuck 2 feet from your curb right?
Lyla fell asleep in the back.... I guess from all the rocking...
So, I guess since the only vehicle we had that had a chance out in this is now stuck in my street, we are stuck here now. For real. And we are out of food... Why am I STILL laughing???
We had a great lunch. Had no problems on the road, other than the fact that they are terrible, we made it just fine. The problems didn't come until we got home. We headed up the drive, which is pretty steep, got stuck, rolled back, tried again, got stuck, rolled back, tried again, for about 5 times... Then we decided to get a running start at it, backed WAY up and yep! Got stuck. Tried to get unstuck, but couldn't go forward, got stuck again, further away from the house. I was filming all of this and rolling, but Josh was kinda mad and said I had to stop filming and not show anyone... sorry.... he said NOTHING about not blogging about our adventures....
We had a neighbor come by and try to help, but J ended up having to just back all the way down one street and go around. He made it back and once again, could NOT get up the drive. It's steep, like I said. So, he gives up, backs out and attempts to park on the curb, BUT GETS STUCK. LOL. He was mad again, I was laughing again. I mean, if you're gonna be stuck, be stuck 2 feet from your curb right?
Lyla fell asleep in the back.... I guess from all the rocking...
So, I guess since the only vehicle we had that had a chance out in this is now stuck in my street, we are stuck here now. For real. And we are out of food... Why am I STILL laughing???
A blessed weekend
We were soooo blessed this January with a random weekend of 70 degree weather. I can't say enough how thankful I am for that weekend, because we got snowed in two days later... So, I am so thankful we got to get out and run around in the sun for a couple of days. I may have really gone crazy the last few days if it wasn't for last weekend.
Last Friday I took my first "fun" trip with my kids on my own. No reason for me not to before, other than we usually like to do things as a family, and I guess because Lyla's a baby and more high maintenance, or because I've been lazy or busy moving, working, or whatever. Anyway, we made plans Friday to go to the zoo. We packed a picnic lunch and headed up.
When we arrived it was time for Lyla to eat, so we headed straight to the picnic tables. We had a pretty rushed lunch because as soon as we sat down, Carson decided he had to pee. So we shoved food in our mouth and rushed to the potty. After that was all taken care of we took off. And I mean OFF!!! Carson wanted to run to all the animals. So we did, stroller (regular, not jogging) and all. And of course along the way, Carson wanted us to make the sound of the animals we were going to see. So, if we were heading towards the tigers, we were roaring, monkeys, we were...monkeying???... You get the point. For nearly TWO hours all we did was RUN from one thing to another. We finally stopped for a drink and a snack when two different friends called to say they were at the zoo too. I thought Carson was getting tired, but when his buddy Reid appeared, he got his second wind. Those two boys bounced around the rest of the day. It no longer mattered if there were animals around or not. They were just as happy playing with rocks, playing on the rocks, whatever. They had a good time.
I had planned on leaving around 3pm, because I kept expecting my sleepy-head Lyla to throw a fit, but instead, she just passed out in the stroller and we carried on. By the time we left at 5pm, Carson told me his legs hurt real bad and needed me to carry him to the car. I gladly did what he needed and got them home.
They of course passed out on the hour drive back to the house. When we arrived Josh met me to carry C in. We got him changed and in bed. He was literally snoring before we even got to the door to leave his room. TIRED.
The next day we went to "Deer Camp". Deer Camp is a big metal building, now equipped with a restroom, a big screen, stove, microwave, refrigerators and a LOT (no clue how many) of acres that my dad and his brother have been hunting their whole life. Since Carson is so into animals right now, we decided it would be fun to go out there, picnic, and go hike around the woods. So we did. We started off playing a little ball, sneaking up on ducks on a pond, taking Gator rides around, then we took off in the gator to explore. We drove all around looking for animal tracks and eventually stopped to go IN the woods. Josh was a little confused at first, he thought by "in the woods" I meant the paths the guys had made, but I meant IN THE WOODS. So we strapped Lyla on me and took off through the high grass and trees. It was fun, kinda hard, and a pretty cool mini adventure. We did NOT get lost, we came back out, headed back and packed up. Once again with two TIRED kiddos.
The next day was COLD. And it just got colder. Down to 4. Not a typo. 4. Wind chills of -25. COLD. And a foot of snow along with three foot drifts. And now, two days after the snow stopped, it's snowing again. And it's a good snow too. But at least it's coming down STRAIGHT instead of sideways....
Last Friday I took my first "fun" trip with my kids on my own. No reason for me not to before, other than we usually like to do things as a family, and I guess because Lyla's a baby and more high maintenance, or because I've been lazy or busy moving, working, or whatever. Anyway, we made plans Friday to go to the zoo. We packed a picnic lunch and headed up.
When we arrived it was time for Lyla to eat, so we headed straight to the picnic tables. We had a pretty rushed lunch because as soon as we sat down, Carson decided he had to pee. So we shoved food in our mouth and rushed to the potty. After that was all taken care of we took off. And I mean OFF!!! Carson wanted to run to all the animals. So we did, stroller (regular, not jogging) and all. And of course along the way, Carson wanted us to make the sound of the animals we were going to see. So, if we were heading towards the tigers, we were roaring, monkeys, we were...monkeying???... You get the point. For nearly TWO hours all we did was RUN from one thing to another. We finally stopped for a drink and a snack when two different friends called to say they were at the zoo too. I thought Carson was getting tired, but when his buddy Reid appeared, he got his second wind. Those two boys bounced around the rest of the day. It no longer mattered if there were animals around or not. They were just as happy playing with rocks, playing on the rocks, whatever. They had a good time.
I had planned on leaving around 3pm, because I kept expecting my sleepy-head Lyla to throw a fit, but instead, she just passed out in the stroller and we carried on. By the time we left at 5pm, Carson told me his legs hurt real bad and needed me to carry him to the car. I gladly did what he needed and got them home.
They of course passed out on the hour drive back to the house. When we arrived Josh met me to carry C in. We got him changed and in bed. He was literally snoring before we even got to the door to leave his room. TIRED.
The next day we went to "Deer Camp". Deer Camp is a big metal building, now equipped with a restroom, a big screen, stove, microwave, refrigerators and a LOT (no clue how many) of acres that my dad and his brother have been hunting their whole life. Since Carson is so into animals right now, we decided it would be fun to go out there, picnic, and go hike around the woods. So we did. We started off playing a little ball, sneaking up on ducks on a pond, taking Gator rides around, then we took off in the gator to explore. We drove all around looking for animal tracks and eventually stopped to go IN the woods. Josh was a little confused at first, he thought by "in the woods" I meant the paths the guys had made, but I meant IN THE WOODS. So we strapped Lyla on me and took off through the high grass and trees. It was fun, kinda hard, and a pretty cool mini adventure. We did NOT get lost, we came back out, headed back and packed up. Once again with two TIRED kiddos.
The next day was COLD. And it just got colder. Down to 4. Not a typo. 4. Wind chills of -25. COLD. And a foot of snow along with three foot drifts. And now, two days after the snow stopped, it's snowing again. And it's a good snow too. But at least it's coming down STRAIGHT instead of sideways....
That Carson...
Carson has the best manners EVER. He thanks me for everything. For example, I help him out of the bathtub, "thank you mama, that was very nice of you." I give him dinner, "thank you mama, that was very nice of you." I give him medicine, "thank you mama, that was very nice of you." I check on him so see if he's ok, "I'm ok Mama, thank you for checking. That was very nice of you." You know the feeling of doing all kinds of little things with no appreciation? Well, that no longer happens around here! Carson thanks me for EVERYTHING I do for him. And it cracks me up! I'm like "Baby, this is my JOB as your MOM." He doesn't get that I guess, he still thinks it is all very nice of me....
Carson is equally as polite at bedtime. Some nights after we read and tuck him in, I like to lay next to him and cuddle, like he likes to do with me at 6am...Anyway, he treats me the same way I treat him. He rubs my back, plays with my hair, gives me kisses on the check or head and then after a few minutes, says "Time to go to your bed now mama. Love you."
Carson is equally as polite at bedtime. Some nights after we read and tuck him in, I like to lay next to him and cuddle, like he likes to do with me at 6am...Anyway, he treats me the same way I treat him. He rubs my back, plays with my hair, gives me kisses on the check or head and then after a few minutes, says "Time to go to your bed now mama. Love you."
Thursday, February 3, 2011
My biggest problem
First, yes, I am playing blog catch up. I like to update my blog when I'm alone. Which hasn't happened the past few days since we have all been at home due to the ice/snow storm. More on that later....
I have realized lately, that my BIGGEST problem is my inability to trust the decisions I make and be content with life. It's NOT that I want a different life. Or that I am unhappy. In fact, I have really never been HAPPIER, but I still have the worse time DOUBTING we made the right choices. I guess that can happen to a person when they make two moves in two years and make job changes that COMPLETELY change your life. We went from living in Shawnee, Josh on the road, in fact, he has his own apartment, in ARKANSAS, I was working full time as the only full-time psyc instructor at SSC, we had one child and two dogs to living in Katy, Josh working all the time, but coming home most night, I stayed at home, working part-time at SSC, we had two kids and one dog, to NOW, back in Shawnee, Josh working for my dad, home by 5 most every night, me back at SSC, but working now with two other Psyc instructors, two kids, zero dogs. All that has gone down since May of 2009.
When we were first in Shawnee, all we wanted was Josh to get to come home at night, that desire drove us to Katy, then in Katy, all we wanted was to be close to our family, that desire drove us back home, now that we are here, I worry that we made all decisions too fast. Now, I miss palm trees and warm weather. Of course, I've been snowed in for two days!
I always knew I'd miss Katy. I LOVED KATY. And don't get me wrong, what I miss in Katy, comes no where close to WHO I missed here and MY JOB. And again, we are ALL happier than EVER, but all these financial issues are really making me think we didn't make the right choice. Maybe we should have waited it out. Maybe we would have gotten used to not being near family. We don't really see them much more anyway. We STILL all have our own lives. And it was kinda more fun seeing them down there, there was much more to do... Maybe we would have gotten HAPPIER there.
Then I wonder, will I stop doubting if our house would just sell? If I could just MOVE ON, will I stop worrying that we gave up Josh's opportunity of his lifetime? I guess time will tell.
Either way, SEE my problem. I have everything and I still crave change, I have an inability to just be content. I am looking for something ELSE to add to my life to spice it up. I am SO bad at just being IN the moments of my life and enjoying them, not doubting, wondering, and thinking "what if".
I have realized lately, that my BIGGEST problem is my inability to trust the decisions I make and be content with life. It's NOT that I want a different life. Or that I am unhappy. In fact, I have really never been HAPPIER, but I still have the worse time DOUBTING we made the right choices. I guess that can happen to a person when they make two moves in two years and make job changes that COMPLETELY change your life. We went from living in Shawnee, Josh on the road, in fact, he has his own apartment, in ARKANSAS, I was working full time as the only full-time psyc instructor at SSC, we had one child and two dogs to living in Katy, Josh working all the time, but coming home most night, I stayed at home, working part-time at SSC, we had two kids and one dog, to NOW, back in Shawnee, Josh working for my dad, home by 5 most every night, me back at SSC, but working now with two other Psyc instructors, two kids, zero dogs. All that has gone down since May of 2009.
When we were first in Shawnee, all we wanted was Josh to get to come home at night, that desire drove us to Katy, then in Katy, all we wanted was to be close to our family, that desire drove us back home, now that we are here, I worry that we made all decisions too fast. Now, I miss palm trees and warm weather. Of course, I've been snowed in for two days!
I always knew I'd miss Katy. I LOVED KATY. And don't get me wrong, what I miss in Katy, comes no where close to WHO I missed here and MY JOB. And again, we are ALL happier than EVER, but all these financial issues are really making me think we didn't make the right choice. Maybe we should have waited it out. Maybe we would have gotten used to not being near family. We don't really see them much more anyway. We STILL all have our own lives. And it was kinda more fun seeing them down there, there was much more to do... Maybe we would have gotten HAPPIER there.
Then I wonder, will I stop doubting if our house would just sell? If I could just MOVE ON, will I stop worrying that we gave up Josh's opportunity of his lifetime? I guess time will tell.
Either way, SEE my problem. I have everything and I still crave change, I have an inability to just be content. I am looking for something ELSE to add to my life to spice it up. I am SO bad at just being IN the moments of my life and enjoying them, not doubting, wondering, and thinking "what if".
Man am I in trouble...
Before bedtime the other night, Carson was watching a show with his daddy to wind down. The show ended and Carson immediatly jumped up and came to me and said, in his sweetest little voice, "Just ONE more show Mama? Just ONE more?" I gave him the LOOK and then immidiatly crawled up in my lap, stroked my face and said, "You're so pretty Mama."
WHERE did he learn that? What's WORSE? It worked. I don't hear that much. He got ONE more show...
I. AM. IN. TROUBLE.
WHERE did he learn that? What's WORSE? It worked. I don't hear that much. He got ONE more show...
I. AM. IN. TROUBLE.
How you know it's been too long
I've been pumping for Lyla now for almost 10 months. Which if you know me AT ALL you know is H.U.G.E. See. I think breastfeeding is pretty gross, I think pumping is even worse, not to mention the PAIN it causes the first couple of months and many months after while trying to sleep. Bottom line, I. AM. NOT. A. FAN. In fact, I am SO not a fan, I would totally have another child if it weren't for that. And I have TERRIBLE pregnancy due to my messed up back. However, it has allowed me to lose a lot of weight, or maybe it's having two kids and little time to eat, whatever the reason, I am happy to be 20 pounds lighter than when I started having kids. So, if I had another, I would HAVE to breastfeed again.
BUT, it's almost been 10 months. Production is down. Lyla is only getting 1 bottle a day of breast milk (she has 3 total) and just like I have done EVERY SINGLE MONTH since May, I am debating quitting. And just like I have done EVERY month since May, I am talking myself out of it.
I used to be such a good quitter. Jobs? Don't like em? Quit. Class? Don't like it? Quit. Boyfriends? Quit. Even FRIENDS? Quit. But now I suck at quitting. In fact, I suck so bad at quitting now, I've done things I never thought I could do b/c I can't quit what I start... Masters, FINISHED, Marathon, FINISHED, two moves in two years, FINISHED, make a family of four, FINISHED, NOW I'd really like to say, breast milk for a year, FINISHED.
But my goal wasn't EVER even really a year. It was 6 months. When I got to that, it was till our Mexico trip on Spring Break. NEVER any longer. I was NOT going to drag a pump to Mexico for my 11 month old. Sorry. Close enough.
After debating and debating, I have a new goal now. We had to cancel our Mexico trip since we still have two houses... and it is being replaced with a weekend in Dallas ON our anniversary. SO, I figure, pumping until our new anniversary trip will still accomplish my goal. It's working ok in my mind anyway. Besides, she's barely getting one bottle as is. And it is only a month away!!!!! Although I am terrified of gaining weight back...
In the meantime, I have realized that I have pumped TOO LONG. See, the other day, I was needing to go pump, Lyla was SCREAMING unless I held her, and I said to Carson, "I need to pump, but my hands are full". Carson says, "Don't worry Mama, I'll help!" He then goes to the kitchen and opens the drawer I keep the "pumps" in. He gets out all four pieces, puts them together, goes into my closet and hooks them up. I come in, carrying Lyla and sit down, he then says, "Here mom, I'll put your pumps on". "No Carson, I got it from here...."
Needless to say, I think March 3rd is LONG ENOUGH.
BUT, it's almost been 10 months. Production is down. Lyla is only getting 1 bottle a day of breast milk (she has 3 total) and just like I have done EVERY SINGLE MONTH since May, I am debating quitting. And just like I have done EVERY month since May, I am talking myself out of it.
I used to be such a good quitter. Jobs? Don't like em? Quit. Class? Don't like it? Quit. Boyfriends? Quit. Even FRIENDS? Quit. But now I suck at quitting. In fact, I suck so bad at quitting now, I've done things I never thought I could do b/c I can't quit what I start... Masters, FINISHED, Marathon, FINISHED, two moves in two years, FINISHED, make a family of four, FINISHED, NOW I'd really like to say, breast milk for a year, FINISHED.
But my goal wasn't EVER even really a year. It was 6 months. When I got to that, it was till our Mexico trip on Spring Break. NEVER any longer. I was NOT going to drag a pump to Mexico for my 11 month old. Sorry. Close enough.
After debating and debating, I have a new goal now. We had to cancel our Mexico trip since we still have two houses... and it is being replaced with a weekend in Dallas ON our anniversary. SO, I figure, pumping until our new anniversary trip will still accomplish my goal. It's working ok in my mind anyway. Besides, she's barely getting one bottle as is. And it is only a month away!!!!! Although I am terrified of gaining weight back...
In the meantime, I have realized that I have pumped TOO LONG. See, the other day, I was needing to go pump, Lyla was SCREAMING unless I held her, and I said to Carson, "I need to pump, but my hands are full". Carson says, "Don't worry Mama, I'll help!" He then goes to the kitchen and opens the drawer I keep the "pumps" in. He gets out all four pieces, puts them together, goes into my closet and hooks them up. I come in, carrying Lyla and sit down, he then says, "Here mom, I'll put your pumps on". "No Carson, I got it from here...."
Needless to say, I think March 3rd is LONG ENOUGH.
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