Where did my baby go?

Tonight was our first evening that felt normal. Our home is totally liveable, and getting comfortable. We actually didn't have friends or family in our home for the first day. It was just us. It was slow. It was peaceful. I went to put Lyla down and had time to rock her. As I rocked her she chewed on my finger, because you see, yesterday she woke up with a tooth and will soon have a second. And that hit me tonight like a ton of bricks. My little baby is growing up. And I want like crazy to make it stop.

I am having a very hard time with the fact that my time as a mom of a little bitty baby has passed. Sure, I could have more. But why? That baby will also break my heart by growing up.

So, I sat there and rocked. Wishing like crazy that the last four months of her life had not been so crazy and distracting and that I could have had more time to just sit and rock and cuddle and get my finger chewed on. Life outside of being a parent will always be there, but our time with our babies pass without notice.

And it's just not fair.