Fearless

I am really lucky to be alive typing this. REALLY. When I think about all the stupid things I did in my youth without blinking an eye: racing my Mustang down Highway, drinking way too much, getting rides home with perfect strangers, riding SeaDoos backwards full-speed, letting people drink and drive me on motorcyles, and the list goes on and on. Nothing scared me. Now, this is a normal developmental phase, the dorky psychology professor in me says, but mine felt like more than the typical sense of immortality adolescence experience until their frontal lobes fully develop or whatever. I wasn't afraid of anything. Applying for jobs, starting new challenges, traveling anywhere, speaking my mind. But now since I have become a mother, THINGS. HAVE. CHANGED.

I have realized the extent of this change the last few weeks as I prepare for my first vacation with my kids, and one that involves Mexico travel. I have spent a lot of time in the Caribbean and always been warned of the dangers of Mexico, Jamaica, where ever, and have ALWAYS blown them off. I am cautious, but never thought twice about taking a cab while there, or shopping in the "real" town, or biking through the jungle. But now, NOW I'm taking my BABIES. And NOW I'm worried about EVERYTHING. Here are the crazy, out of control, irrational thoughts that are spinning through my head.

There's the obvious. The Mexican drug cartel. While I have WAY more of a chance crashing my car on the way home and dieing on my own they worry me. I have read and read up on these guys, b/c I am just sure that they are going to want my pretty babies, or my CAMERA, and so I have come up with a plan to ensure that my camera doesn't get stolen. I will conceal it in Josh's backpack that has a strap around the chest so that it can't be ripped off his back. But wait! That backpack has his FULL name on it. I'll need black duct tape to cover it up. I'll also need to put a towel in there to cushion the camera in case it drops. My normal case is too big to take. And the kids, we will get kid leashes. We will walk our kids around like they are dogs. And I will bring duct tape, because the drug cartel, who wants my kids, could just rip the leash out of my hands and run off with them. But with duct tape, they will have to take me too. We will take NO cabs. The cab drivers are for sure in the "cartel" so I will only take Carnival trips. We will go to all inclusive resorts so that we can eat and drink and relax all day. As long as the cartel doesn't come on to our beach, round us all up, ask us all for our money. Make us empty our wallets. I will duct tape our money to the inside of Josh's leg. yes. that will work. (Make J shave leg) So back to relaxing and drinking. Wait. They might use ice. Mexican ice. Duct tape won't work here. Will I have to drink bottled beverages only? The kids will. For sure. We don't want to puke. I can find out where the ice comes from. If it's filtered or whatever, we are ok. We need water shoes. Those are so dorky. But what if the kids step on something and it cuts them. Really don't want to go to a Mexican hospital. The cartel will probably be the doctor. But what if they get cut? And need stitches? Maybe I can buy that glue stuff. Or could little strips of duct tape work? Don't know. I'll find out. I heard no flashy watches. I'm covered there, I don't have a watch. Pretty sure Fossil doesn't count as flashy, but just in case, plastic watch must be bought for Josh. Don't really need a watch. We have phones. But those are worth more than his watch...Must hide those. Duct tape those inside the backpack. Yes. That will work. Then there's the seasick concerns. Will we be? I sure hope not. Called my Nurse Practitioner, she recommended Ginger. must buy ginger. Surely we won't be bothered by that. Sure hope not. And what about the feeling of being in the middle of nowhere on a boat. I have seen Titanic. I looked at the picture of the ship. I see lots of lifeboats. Kinda regretting the window in our room. At least if I didn't have one I could PRETEND to see land. I imagine I may feel the opposite of claustrophobic. Let me look that up... agoraphobia. Fear of wide open spaces. That's it. Kinda. That's what I'm afraid I will have. I wonder if I will sleep. If the kids will sleep. Sure hope so. We sure don't want to be tired if we have to run from the Cartel. We need to leave a day early. C will have to stop to pee. A lot. We will drive half way Friday. Sure hope we don't have any flats. Really don't want to dip into our spending money for that. Do we have enough money? Excursions are paid for. First hotel is paid for. Surely. We shouldn't even go on this. We should put the money into savings. Looked into cancelling. At this point we will lose all our money. That's not cool. Take the trip Kendall. Fun is what a family should have together. Should we get an international plan on our phone? What if there is an emergency? What if there is an emergency that we have NO way of tending to b/c we are in the middle of NOWHERE? Talk about stress. Email will be enough. No phones. It will be warm during the day, not at night though. We need summer and winter clothes I guess. Kids need sunscreen. Tylenol. Should I bring more meds just in case? Diapers, wipes, sunscreen, towels? Or do they have those? I need my camera charger. I should paint my toenails. Oh crap! I don't have a TAN? I don't go to the Caribbean without a BASE TAN. Crap. Crap. Crap. Pack MY sunscreen... My Tylenol. And then there's that Norwalk virus. Wonder if Lysol kills that. I'll bring some just to be sure. Was also warned about bed bugs. Nasty. Must remember to ask for fresh sheets for any trundle type beds. Man, I hope the kids don't drive me crazy.

Oh, wait. Pretty sure that happened already.

I'm also pretty sure my last trip to Mexico my only thought was this bikini or that bikini.

Man, my 21 year old self would be so disappointed in me.