August 3rd

Was the last time I blogged. SERIOUSLY? It's not like nothing blogable has happened or that I haven't had memories I wanted to blog about. I guess I just have been keeping myself too busy. Or something... Or maybe I felt pressure to write "good blogs". Who knows. When I started this blog I planned to blog once a week. Wednesdays. Then at least once a month. Now, once a semester? Come on! I don't scrapbook, I blog. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRACK MY FAMILY MEMORIES. I have GOT to do this more. Even if it's silly or a little too sweet. I will blog. Maybe once a week.

Today, I'll just blog about a short conversation with my 3.75 month old son....

"Mom, my butt hurts" C said walking into my room with his pants off. "Well, get your fingers out of it." "Oh."

Really? Boys...

Next week I'll blog about October. My most favorite month. I think you'll see why...

One of those days.

I am having one of "those" days that normal mom's probably don't like to admit to having. You know the days that you look at the children, who you love more than anything, but can't help but to feel like you are being punished....Your head is pounding due to the constant screaming coming from the two babies, who you always imagined would play together happily... or not. You are wiping snotty noses, kissing boo boos, asking them not to hit each other, not to throw their balls at your face, not to dive off the couches head first, to please eat their breakfast. You are still in the clothes you slept in, teeth unbrushed, no breakfast, too little coffee, hair a mess, and you just want to scream "What happened to my LIFE?!?!" To top it all off it is boiling hot outside, so you can't send them outside AND the city's water lines busted so you can't even turn the sprinklers on to let them play. So there you are. Head pounding. Stinking. Hungry. Comforting crying babies. Fighting back your own tears. Feeling like you are the worst mom in the whole wide world. Then one little baby comes up to you and says, "Mom. Why are you so grouchy today?" And you sit down on the floor with them and tell them, "because you guys are SO loud." And that little baby says, "Oh. Well, I'll be quiet to make you better." Kisses you on the head and skips off.

And with that, you regain the patience to continue.

It was the summer of 2011

I haven't blogged in two months. I blame it on the nice even number of blogs I have posted to date- 100. That's only minor OCD that I didn't want to change it to 101, right?

Either way, I decided that today was THE day to catch up on the summer....

This summer has been fast, slow, busy, boring, sweet and frustrating all at the same time. And it looks like it is only going to be about 9 days too long. Here's a wrap up of my summer with the two kids. We have started most days at the YMCA getting our workouts and play time in, we have helped out with two VBS's, fed lunches to hungry kids in the park, spent a week at camp, spent long weekends at the lake and watched WAY too much T.V.

I have also had a total of 15 hours of class this summer, so nap times, bed times, feeding times, and any little chances I get in between have been spent in front of my computer. Which lead to the frustrating part of the summer. I have felt like I have been behind the WHOLE time. But I made it. Summer school is now over and I am very close to being ready for the fall to begin. WOO HOO!

Kid update:
Carson is, well, LOUD. LOUD and NAKED. If I am not asking him to not yell, I am asking him to put some underwear on. I really don't mind the nakedness, but it's easier to keep his hand off his wee wee with his underwear on. Plus, when he goes outside naked, I'm afraid his butt will burn and I don't really wanna worry about putting sunscreen in places that the sun SHOULDN'T shine.
In addition to being LOUD, C is also getting a smart mouth. I just can't imagine where THAT came from. Case and point, here is a conversation we had the other day:
Me: Carson, I really need you to eat your banana.
C: Why?
Me. Because you need it to grow tall and strong.
C: I'm already strong.
Me: Ok, are you strong enough to pick me up?
C tries and fails
C: No.
Me: Well, then it looks like YOU need to eat this banana.
C: Mom, can you reach that up there.
Me: No.
C: Well, it looks like YOU need to eat this banana.

Smart. Ass.

Needless to say, he no longer hopes to be "tall like you, Mama." He's moved on to his dad. Which is better really.

Carson has also mastered the pool this summer. He loves to do cannon balls, belly flops and even likes to dive. But we have to be there to flip him back over or his swim suit floation device will hold him feet up. It's kinda funny to see just for a SECOND.

Carson has NOT mastered flushing the toilet. I regularly do poop checks around the house. With three toilets, one of which I never use, I find left over poop in the potty most days. It's really only an issue when the upstairs one gets missed for a few days...

Carson has also mastered being boss of Lyla. He regularly disciplines her by saying "No No little miss!" and "Lyla! I have told you a hundred time!" And "MOM! Lyla is being a pain in the butt". He is also great at being sweet to her. He calls her "sweetheart" and hugs on her and likes to carry her around. I frown on that, but whatever.

Carson has NOT mastered dressing himself. IF I can get him to get dressed, I can only hope for him to NOT come out with a crazy shirt, crazy shorts and of course his camo rain boots on the wrong feet...

Carson sleeps most nights on a pallet on his bedroom floor. Whatever. Gets EMBARRASSED if he falls out of his bed, when he does sleep in it. His (and MY) new favorite thing to do is cuddle in our bed and watch a movie. It's pretty cool he likes to watch them. He LOVES "Captn Jack" and regularly speaks in pirate. He has to do everything "MYSELF" and sheepishly asks for help when he can't do it. He is sweet and loving 90% of the time and the rest of the time he is a "pain in the butt". I'm sure I'll get in trouble for that when school starts....

Lyla is also LOUD. She doesn't have the vocabulary that C did at her age, but seems to be MUCH more aware of what she wants and is REALLY REALLY aware of how to get it. She has this high pitch squeal that will get even the most stubborn parents to jump to give her what she wants just to make it STOP. Then she laughs and smiles the sweetest little smile, you can't help but to think she is the sweetest thing EVER (or quiet the little devil...) Either way, we are screwed when she gets older...

Lyla LOVES to dance and my kids favorite summer activity is listening to "Energizers" from camp and dancing in her room. She is also the nosiest little thing ever. She gets into more than Carson ever did. She loves digging in my cabinets and hiding my cell phone in them. She also is naturally a girly girl (for now). She loves to put on jewelry, even that of strangers, carry purses and put bows in her hair. Too bad I am not much help in that department.

Lyla FINALLY started walking. She waited until we got to camp, then took OFF. She really hasn't been that unstable, because she just waited until she was READY. Not much on taking chances. This could be the only trait that saves me during her teenage years...

Lyla shakes her whole body up and down or side to side when asked a question. She doesn't bother SAYING yes or no, but there is NO doubt what her anwer is.

She is just as sweet, but busier now than ever, so less into being held. Which has been bitter sweet. I needed her to let me put her down, after 9 months of pregnancy then 14 months of carrying her, I was LITERALLY crooked. So my back/hips/neck feels better, but I struggle to just get a cuddle in. She likes to sit on the floor at bedtime across from you when you read and thinks every story is the funniest thing EVER, but doesn't really care to cuddle, she also doesn't care much for a drink before bed, so no cuddle time there either. She laughs when we lay her down because she's so happy to be in her bed, so no cuddling to sleep. But when she is sick she CUDDLES! Woo HOO! I mean, poor thing ;). I take advantage of hurting teeth, or colds!

Speaking of teeth, she still only has four. Wish me luck over the next few months. I'm SURE we are about to get a whole mouthful at ONCE. eek.

By four pm everyday I am usually about to go crazy. I really don't know how stay at home moms do it every DAY. By four, C is literally bouncing off the walls/furniture/floor and Lyla is so ready for bed she just fusses non stop. She likes to be fed at 5 and again at 6ish when we eat. And really the only way to make her happy is to hold her, but she doesn't cuddle when you hold her, she fights it, wants up, then wants to be held again and repeats. So I gave up cooking to tend to her during this time of day. Luckily, Josh really likes to cook and is great at it. Whew.

Between the before dinner tears and frustrations and the struggles a bedtime with a three year old, I go to bed every night more convinced I do not want ANY more children and thanking God for moments like that, because if it wasn't for breakdowns and temper tantrums we would NEVER want them to get older. At least with age comes greater control of emotions.

However, by morning, the miracle of motherhood has occurred and I am ready and willing to do it all over again. And until about 4pm- I couldn't be happier....

This used to be my playground

Dwight Mission. I can't even put into words how special this place is to me and my husband. See, Dwight gave me life. I know, my parents and God did that, but Dwight gave me MY life.

It has been 20 years this summer since my childhood friend, Lauren Phelps, first said to me "Let's go to Dwight Mission". Me, always having been up for a good time said, "Let's go". And that was the first week of my life.

For the first time in my life, I go to meet myself. I got to know what it felt like to fee comfortable in my skin. Being an akward tomboy at age 11, I had been feeling uncomfortable in every sense. Physically and socially. But at camp, it all went away. Confidence shined through that hadn't been around since my earlier years, socializing became natural. BOYS like ME. Girls sometimes didn't because of that. But I felt good. I liked getting to know myself. And somewhere between singing songs and chasing boys, I met God.

I continued attending Dwight Mission camps, retreats, ski trips, anything that I could attend I did. I even missed my WORLD OM competion one year because it was during camp. Missing camp was not an option.

Summer after my freshman year in college, I found myself wondering what I was going to do for the summer. I didn't have myself in the best life situation, bad relationship, partying too much, so I knew I needed a new path, fast. One day I ran into my dear friend Nick Thompson, who I met that first summer as the akward 11 year old tomboy. He said, let's go to camp and be counselors. Well, I had ALWAYS wanted to do that so I said yes! I interviewed with one of my old counselors who was now the Program Director and he said yes! A couple of weeks before I got cold feet about leaving that relationship behind, when another good friend, Keith Anderson, who I also met that first summer, reminded me of all the reasons I wanted and needed to be there. That was it. I was going. Well, until I ran into this Tracy Brown girl in the cafeteria and found out SHE was going. GREAT. I thought. She does NOT like me, because Nick Thompson liked my friend Lauren Phelps. I didn't EVEN like Nick that way. But again, I decided to go.

Again, I can't put into words how special my first summer on staff was to me. Of course, right away, Nick and I were playing and having a ball, that Tracy Brown girl, has been my best friend since staff training, some annoying guy Josh Rogers was on staff that summer, a guy named Brian Carroll, Johnna Comptom, and SO many more- we all became friends. So I spent the summer chasing boys, singing songs, and again meeting God.

The second summer I was on staff, my good friend Keith joined, remember, the one who had to talk me ino going again? Well, he talked me into going back with him that summer. Nick was gone, but Tracy was back, along with her boyfriend who she had met at Dwight Mission as a camper. At some point that summer a life changing moment happened. Jim Burns, from Memorial Presbyterian Church in Norman, asked me to interview to be one of their youth directors. Now THIS was a shock. I couldn't believe that he saw ANY possibilities in me to do that kind of work. But again, I said yes.

After what was another WONDERFUL summer, I interviewed for the Memorial job and got it. I also moved in with Tracy Brown after spending a school year neighbors to Josh Rogers. Tracy and Tim Dowell spent the year dating and getting engaged, I worked at Memorial until one day Nick Thompson called saying that I should apply for a job at Westminster (a MUCH bigger church) as their junior high director. Well, there has been one thing I've learned in life, say "yes" to Nick. ;)

I interviewed and again got a youth director job. I still had some school left so I finished that up while working with who else? Nick. Then Nick left. But guess who replaced him? Tracy Brown. Now Dowell. All in all, I spent four years working there with two of my best friends and one of the most special ladies I have ever gotten the pleasure to meet, Linda Zahn. During my time at Westminster, I began leading a youth retreat called Youth Quake. I needed someone to lead music so I called on my old camp friend Josh Rogers. We got to hang out after what had been years a couple of times- and eventually started dating, and you know the rest.

Like I said, Dwight gave me life.

Now Josh and I have two wonderful children and we jumped on the chance to take them back to the place where it all started over Memorial Day. Now, this was a big deal for this lake bum, but MAN am I glad we went! And guess who was there? Nick Thompson, Brian Carroll, Johnna Compton, etc.etc. As well as SEVERAL kids who were in Josh, Nick, Elisa (Nick's wife, who was a youth director with Josh) or I's youth groups were now counselors. It was great.

While there I started thinking about what it means to be a "Dwightie". Most don't get it. My parents didn't. Most of my friends don't. And that's because it's hard to describe.

Being a Dwightie means singing to the top of your lungs no matter what age, it means laughing until you cry several times a day, it means you do not feel comfortable in closed toe shoes or real clothes no matter how long you've been off staff, it means you love people who you couldn't stand in the real world, it means your idea of worshiping God is outside, sweating to death, sitting on a dirty floor and loving every second, it means believing in ghosts, it means being excited that a Moose, that is clearly a DEER, found it's way home, it means being able to imagine the taste of Christine's bisquits and the red juice, it means butterflys evertime "the fence" comes into sight, it means, at one point, you may have drank your whole small group's spit, it means having friends that are closer than family, it means your ankles look naked without strings around them, it means never letting inside jokes die, it means you won't think of watermellons the same again, it means believing in true love, it means meals should always be followed by song, it means learning if something needs to be done- you do it, it means you have worked for like $1.50 an hour, it means you know how to solve problems, stay calme, and smle when things are tough, it means you will dance like a fool to pop songs at your wedding and not care! It means seeing the stars so close you feel like you can touch them, it means quick showers, hard beds, it means eatting way too many smores, it means sneaking out late at night, it means seeing others like God must see us, without fault, and full of love, it means you know your comfort zone and how important it is to push it, it means you call out "MAGIC CIRCLE" when you want to not be touched, it means crying when you have to leave and undestanding that the transition to the real world takes time. Most of all, it means only feeling truely at home when you are there.


And this weekend, my kiddos began their journey to become "Dwighties". I hope it gives them life too.

Forgetfulness

Perhaps the best gift God gives us mothers....

The ability to forget the pain of pregnancy- well maybe not ENTIRELY- but enough to be dumb enough to do it again...The ability to forget the pain of childbirth. The ability to forget the EXHAUSTION the first few weeks, the pain and discomfort of nursing/pumping, the ability to forget the frustrations earlier on in a day.

While looking at my sweet sleeping baby Carson last night, I went through my normal thoughts, main one being, WHY is this big body on my little baby? And why is my baby in this big bed. But the main thing I noticed last night, was how I could barely remember how frustrated I was just a few hours earlier. He looked like such a sweet angel and the ONLY thing I could remember was my love for him.

I'm pretty sure only our children can receive such instant forgiveness and unconditional love. I mean, I love Josh and all, but I may still be frustrated with him if I had spent the morning listening to him say "It's ok Kendall, I'm just puttin my foot on your face"...

Thankful

Just had to take a minute while C is eating yogurt to vent about how thankful I am to be leaving for work in 1.5 hours. I'm about to blow. C is being extra- well extra THREE today. He is hovering over me at all times. Pulling on my earring while saying "It's ok Mama, I'm just touching." Or putting his foot on my face saying, "It' ok Mama, I'm just putting my foot on your face." I have answered 1,998 questions today about ridiculous stuff. I've attempted to talk on the phone with my doctor, only to be interrupted non stop with "Mama Yatch" (watch) "Mama Yatch. Mama YATCH!" When I got off the phone and said "What is it?" Carson proceeded to throw himself down on the ground... REALLY??? THAT'S WHAT YOU ACTED LIKE A COMPLETE BRAT TO SHOW ME???

It took me 20 minutes to put on 2 minutes worth of make-up due to "MAMA YATCH!" every 30 second. I'd go out of the bathroom and say "What baby?" and he's kick a leg in the air- while laying down- not even while standing up- and he's say "Isn't that AMAZING?!?!" All my power not to say "No. That's dumb. And I walked across the house for that trick TEN TIMES IN A ROW. It wasn't amazing a SINGLE time!" But I said, "AMAZING" like a good mom should.

But does a good mom really think "YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY CHILD!!!"??? I can't get him to go play- he has the world upstairs- but he wants to be here with me. ON me. FEET IN MY FACE!

I love him. But, one hour 25 minutes left...I'm thankful.

All I never knew I wanted

Sweet Lyla- I will never lie to you about being in total shock that I was having a little girl. The thought of a girl scared me. That fact has never been hidden. I always had in my mind that I'd have two little boys who would be rough and dirty and loud and that I would love it. Then the day came when you were FINALLY confirmed to be a girl and you turned my world upside down. I threw out my boys names, my boy color schemes, started giving away C's old clothes and started working on trying to figure out what I was going to do with a little girl. One year ago today you were not in my life yet. My dad had made his way to Katy, we had headed into Houston to check into our rooms and enjoy our last evening. I was scared to death that I was going to ruin your brothers world by adding you to it. I am not a crier, but I cried the last night I put C to bed as my one and only child. Had I only known the joy you were soon to bring us all I would have saved those tears. The morning you were born Josh and I walked to the hospital holding hands. It was still dark. I'm pretty sure you would have been born "naturally" by the next day. It hurt. That whole morning passed with such ease, and though I was scared, because who likes to be awake while they are cut open, it was all so easy. I walked into the room, hoped up on the table, leaned over, became numb, almost puked, held it in, Josh joined and you followed close behind. You were the most squished up c-section baby I have ever seen! You really must have been trying to come out, you were swollen and really looked a lot like me after a natural birth- but you didn't have to do all the squeezing. You were taken from me for a bit due to fluid in your lungs, no one ever let me know there was a big problem, so I waited, as calmly as I could for you to come back. And before I ever knew if they put my bladder back to where it should be after hearing "don't put her bladder there!" you were in my arms and the rest is history. I loved you instantly. This feeling didn't happen with C. I think I was too tired, drugged and unsure he could really have been MINE. His love came night #2. But I remembered EVERYTHING with you, I wasn't tired and I KNEW you were mine. Your brother loved you instantly too. All my worries were gone when the first thing C said was "I wanna give her kiss". Melt. My. Heart. Today I think back on this past year and can NOT believe it has passed. Your sweet cuddles and the way you laugh at nothing at all has made this year tied for the best year of my life. I also never knew what I would have missed not having a daughter. I can't really explain it, but I feel like you are my soul mate. Not like your father is to me, but like your companion. I know the struggles you are going to go through as you grow. I know the heart break you will suffer from at an early age, I know the hurtful words friends will say to you, I know the excitement of the first dance recital, the first date, prom, shopping trips, graduation, college, your wedding day, your first baby. I also know you will not always like me. But I promise you, I will ALWAYS love you. And as the years pass and the memories of how hard growing up is fade for me, I promise I will always take a minute to remember. To feel your pain. To remember you excitement. To UNDERSTAND all you are going through. And I will not judge. I will not limit you. I will hold your hand. I will guide you. I will do everything in my power to live as an example for you. I will challenge myself to show you that you can do ANYTHING you want. Lyla Kade, you are my world. I never knew I ever wanted you. Much less how badly I needed you.