How you know it's been too long

I've been pumping for Lyla now for almost 10 months. Which if you know me AT ALL you know is H.U.G.E. See. I think breastfeeding is pretty gross, I think pumping is even worse, not to mention the PAIN it causes the first couple of months and many months after while trying to sleep. Bottom line, I. AM. NOT. A. FAN. In fact, I am SO not a fan, I would totally have another child if it weren't for that. And I have TERRIBLE pregnancy due to my messed up back. However, it has allowed me to lose a lot of weight, or maybe it's having two kids and little time to eat, whatever the reason, I am happy to be 20 pounds lighter than when I started having kids. So, if I had another, I would HAVE to breastfeed again.

BUT, it's almost been 10 months. Production is down. Lyla is only getting 1 bottle a day of breast milk (she has 3 total) and just like I have done EVERY SINGLE MONTH since May, I am debating quitting. And just like I have done EVERY month since May, I am talking myself out of it.

I used to be such a good quitter. Jobs? Don't like em? Quit. Class? Don't like it? Quit. Boyfriends? Quit. Even FRIENDS? Quit. But now I suck at quitting. In fact, I suck so bad at quitting now, I've done things I never thought I could do b/c I can't quit what I start... Masters, FINISHED, Marathon, FINISHED, two moves in two years, FINISHED, make a family of four, FINISHED, NOW I'd really like to say, breast milk for a year, FINISHED.

But my goal wasn't EVER even really a year. It was 6 months. When I got to that, it was till our Mexico trip on Spring Break. NEVER any longer. I was NOT going to drag a pump to Mexico for my 11 month old. Sorry. Close enough.

After debating and debating, I have a new goal now. We had to cancel our Mexico trip since we still have two houses... and it is being replaced with a weekend in Dallas ON our anniversary. SO, I figure, pumping until our new anniversary trip will still accomplish my goal. It's working ok in my mind anyway. Besides, she's barely getting one bottle as is. And it is only a month away!!!!! Although I am terrified of gaining weight back...

In the meantime, I have realized that I have pumped TOO LONG. See, the other day, I was needing to go pump, Lyla was SCREAMING unless I held her, and I said to Carson, "I need to pump, but my hands are full". Carson says, "Don't worry Mama, I'll help!" He then goes to the kitchen and opens the drawer I keep the "pumps" in. He gets out all four pieces, puts them together, goes into my closet and hooks them up. I come in, carrying Lyla and sit down, he then says, "Here mom, I'll put your pumps on". "No Carson, I got it from here...."

Needless to say, I think March 3rd is LONG ENOUGH.