Like many people, I use this blog to document my life. I am printing it off every so often so that I have our life "story", plus some extra, to look back on. When I told someone my plan, they asked, so are you gonna take out some blogs and just leave the 'happy' ones. After just a moment of thought I decided "no". You see, I really want to keep up with what is ACTUALLY going on for several reasons. One, if something ever happens to me before my kids have children, I want them to know that I had the same frustrations they are having, the same fears, the same mess ups. This is my way to say, "I'm here for you" even if I'm not. Second, I need to remember how it truly was someday when my kids ask for advice. I don't want the passing years to make me forget the bad and make my child feel like I never had ANY problems with my kids simply because those memories aren't what I stored for 30 years. Third, others read this. Not a lot. But some do. And if I can help even just one mother who doubts herself and her mothering ability by showing her that she's not the only one who loves her kids dearly, but some days wants to run down the street screaming, then maybe hanging out at my computer instead of cleaning will be more justified. So. Here is this week's challenge.
Carson is becoming funnier and harder than ever. One minute he's cracking me up and the next I feel like I might lose it. His new favorite thing to say to me, that really sets me off is "NO. I SAID I don't want to." Ugh. We've been having to have a lot of heart to hearts about who is in charge. Today he came in and asked, "Can I be in charge today?" Uh. No.
As a parent these days, I feel there is a lot of pressure to parent as a friend more than as a PARENT. And that's just not how I roll. I want to teach him limits and how to follow rules, I want him to understand he doesn't get everything when he wants it and that he has to work for some things. Most of all, I want him to have, for lack of a better word, a 'fear' of me when I give him the "look" for misbehaving. I want to be able to snap my fingers in public and he act right. I feel that I have his whole life to be his friend and right now I need to be his parent. But. It's. A. Hard. Job.
Just the other night, I was telling him it was time to go to bed and he asked for "just ONE more show" I said no and he jumped in my lap, rubbed my face and said, "But you're so pretty Mama". ..
Now. How am I supposed to stay tough with THAT happening???
Then there's the opposite problem, when he sits down and refuses to do whatever it is that you just asked and he just cries, and I mean the 'can't speak, snot hanging down into the mouth, drool off the chin, RIDICULOUS cry'. It's so frustrating you want to punish them for acting like that, but like THAT's gonna stop the crying. So what do you do? Act calm and walk away or argue with whoever took over your sweet boys' body? I guess it depends on how many times that scene played out in just one day. Because sometimes I find myself arguing with "it" for a while before I realize I'm wasting my time and that I must wait until Carson returns...
Other downfall of this new age, he's not napping as regularly. My kids have always been sleepers, but more days than not, Carson just plays in his bed or on his mat at school rather than nap...which isn't really a big deal, but when he doesn't nap, the evenings are most likely going to be a nightmare. Boo.
It's just tough. He's tough. And sweet. And it's a real shame that one of the sweetest ages has to also be SO hard.
To top it all off, we STILL have two houses. We have our 59th showing today. 59TH! Let me remind you that just in spring of 2009 FIVE houses in my neighborhood sold in under 10 days on the market. Now we are looking at losing at LEAST half of what we put into it, not to mention the THOUSANDS of dollars it's costing us to still have the house. So 58 times now I obsess and check my email over and over and over until I get let down by a "found another house" feedback notification. I just want to move on.
But, either way, we are all making it. We aren't DOING much. But we are making it. And, it's almost spring time... :)
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