My biggest problem

First, yes, I am playing blog catch up. I like to update my blog when I'm alone. Which hasn't happened the past few days since we have all been at home due to the ice/snow storm. More on that later....

I have realized lately, that my BIGGEST problem is my inability to trust the decisions I make and be content with life. It's NOT that I want a different life. Or that I am unhappy. In fact, I have really never been HAPPIER, but I still have the worse time DOUBTING we made the right choices. I guess that can happen to a person when they make two moves in two years and make job changes that COMPLETELY change your life. We went from living in Shawnee, Josh on the road, in fact, he has his own apartment, in ARKANSAS, I was working full time as the only full-time psyc instructor at SSC, we had one child and two dogs to living in Katy, Josh working all the time, but coming home most night, I stayed at home, working part-time at SSC, we had two kids and one dog, to NOW, back in Shawnee, Josh working for my dad, home by 5 most every night, me back at SSC, but working now with two other Psyc instructors, two kids, zero dogs. All that has gone down since May of 2009.

When we were first in Shawnee, all we wanted was Josh to get to come home at night, that desire drove us to Katy, then in Katy, all we wanted was to be close to our family, that desire drove us back home, now that we are here, I worry that we made all decisions too fast. Now, I miss palm trees and warm weather. Of course, I've been snowed in for two days!

I always knew I'd miss Katy. I LOVED KATY. And don't get me wrong, what I miss in Katy, comes no where close to WHO I missed here and MY JOB. And again, we are ALL happier than EVER, but all these financial issues are really making me think we didn't make the right choice. Maybe we should have waited it out. Maybe we would have gotten used to not being near family. We don't really see them much more anyway. We STILL all have our own lives. And it was kinda more fun seeing them down there, there was much more to do... Maybe we would have gotten HAPPIER there.

Then I wonder, will I stop doubting if our house would just sell? If I could just MOVE ON, will I stop worrying that we gave up Josh's opportunity of his lifetime? I guess time will tell.

Either way, SEE my problem. I have everything and I still crave change, I have an inability to just be content. I am looking for something ELSE to add to my life to spice it up. I am SO bad at just being IN the moments of my life and enjoying them, not doubting, wondering, and thinking "what if".