Wednesday, May 29, 2013

It's SUMMER!!!

IT'S SUMMER!!!!  I have been shouting this to my kids with as much excitement as I can muster, however, I'll admit it-  I am scared to death that "it's summer!" Why in the WORLD is this bad?  I'm off for the summer!  I have two cute and awesome kids ages 5 and 3 and I'll be able to spend quality time with them for 2.5 months.

2.5 months.  With a 5 and a 3 year old.  Sorry.  But that crap is scary. 

You see, my daughter Lyla knows how to press all of my buttons.  And I mean, all of my buttons at the same time.  It's like she gets every finger and every toe and latches on and just pushes those buttons - ALL. AT. THE. SAME. TIME.  BEEP!!BEEP!!BEEP!!BEEEEEP!!!  And I'm scared because I'm afraid one of three things will happen:

1. I'll be 'that mom' who abandons her family one day out of the blue.
2. I'll hurt my child.
3. I'll be committed to a mental institution by August.

I'm joking, but I'm not.  Seriously ya'll...BEEPPP!!! BEEEP!!!  And what makes me the craziest/saddest/guiltiest is that I feel like all the other moms in the world are at home with their kids loving every minute of motherhood, thinking that their children are the most precious things that ever walked the earth, and just eating up the opportunity to wait on them hand and foot, laughing at them for fighting, and whistling as they think that they are fulfilling their meaning in life~ being a mother.

Well.  I'm here to tell you, that not all moms feel like that.  Some mom's do NOT feel that this is the most wonderful thing in the world all the time.  Some mom's do not like serving their children 24/7. AND.  Are you ready for this?  Some mom's feel like they don't even LIKE their kids at times.

There I said it, so you don't have to.  Sometimes I don't LIKE my kids.  I love them.  But LIKE.  That's a different story.  There are times that I am SOOOO frusterated (BEEEP BEEEP BEEEEEEEEP) that I don't even know if I can pick up my daughter without squeezing her little arms too hard.  So I try to not pick her up when mad.  There are times that I want to walk out the front door and not look back.  There are times that I ask myself "why did I EVER do this to myself?"   There are times that I have had to lock myself in my room and call my husband to come home to relieve me and of course, nothing makes me feel like more of a failure than doing THAT. 

So, I've been thinking about this a lot and I've come to realize that I'm not a failure~ I'm just a girl who isn't really cut out for motherhood in all the ways others are.  I am a mother who DIDN'T dream of having a baby my whole life.  I dreamt of travel, and free time, and a job, and working out and relaxing...

However, I'm managing to raise a couple of pretty awesome kids.  So, while I'm scared to death about 2.5 months of summer, we will get through it.  I may have to call for reinforcements, my daughter may cry for me to pick her up when I just don't think I can, and I may even end up on meds~ but, years from now I won't remember BEEEP!!!! BEEP!!!! BEEEEEEP!!! I will remember "Mom, I love you" and "How about a morning kiss?" and all the laughter from the backyard.

I just KNOW it.   

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Here we are already, the last day of PreK

HOLY SMOKES time goes FAST!  I pointed out to J today that we only have 13 more school years before C graduates. That may seem like a lot when you are a kid, or even a teacher, but MAN, PreK went FAST and I know the rest will as well.  However, I couldn't be happier with this past year.  Carson has REALLY enjoyed school, well, with the exception of the start time.  He is my sleepy head and most nights 12 hours isn't enough- PreK wipes him out!

This past year was spent in C's words "learning and learning and playing and learning."  I never was told he could remember what he learned, but he learned  a lot he said.  And he did!  I did too!  Having a kid in school isn't like it was in my days- or at least in my family.  Parental involvement is HUGE and working and being involved is HARD.  BUT, between J and I, I'm PRETTY sure we made it to most major events, minus the VDay part that I had no idea parents went to... Carson had the BEST PreK teachers I could have asked for, Rachel Schooler and Laura Farmer.  Carson LOVED them!  And I LOVED them for always keeping me informed, especially when C would not... Not knowing what he does all day was really a hard adjustment.  We got pretty detailed sheets in Mothers Day Out AND I got to chat daily with the teacher.  Mrs. Schooler always seemed to have the best timing when she'd send me pics on my phone.  They always came on the days I was worried about him for some reason, missing him, or just feeling guilty for being so busy.  Those two ladies made this experience so great! 

During this year in PreK C played soccer on two soccer teams, one outdoor this fall, and indoor this spring. We coached both teams and had a ball!  I'm pretty sure we are fixing to wrap up our last season with him and send him on to Shawnee Soccer Association next fall if he wants to play. 

We went to bday parties, road races, football games, Thunder games, and had so much fun doing it all!  I can't wait for all the years to come, but I won't lie, I sure do love 5 and I wish we could stay 5 for just a liiiitle bit longer... :/