In my next 30 years, I'm gonna drink a little more beer and try to stay up late

It seems just like last year I was turning 25 and singing along to John Mayers song "Why Georgia" thinking I too was having a "quarter life crisis". And today I find myself, still reflecting with my buddy John, but this time to the song "I wish I was six again" which asks "Whatever happened to my lunchbox? When came the day that it got thrown away? And don't you think I should have had some say in that decision?"

Now I pack my SON'S lunchbox....and at times look in my car and think "that's not mine, there are CARSEATS in the back"...sometimes I look at my hands and wonder who they belong to...etc. etc.

SO, as you can tell, I am wrapping up my final days in my 20's (NINE months pregnant I might add). This new age absolutely BLOWS MY MIND. I am SO grown up! And I grew up so fast! And while my mind has been being blown, I have had a lot of thoughts about this new milestone.

First, this is the first age milestone that has not included a new advantage of some sort. No entering the teen years, no drivers license, no legal buying of cigarettes or porn, or beer, or cheaper auto insurance, NOTHING, except the first year that I wonder about "where my youth went". And wondering if/when I'll need a little "work" done... GREAT. Thanks media. While thinking about this, I have had several realizations.

As many of you know, I used to like to have a lot of F.U.N.!!! But when looking back at my 20's, I realized that I seemed to have begun to outgrow my F.U.N. pants SIX years ago!!!! WHAT??? ME??? NOOO!!! I blame it on my husband. I'm not even sure "blame" is the word, but I blame him. NOW, I am NOT saying that I haven't tried to squeeze into my F.U.N. pants on occasion, I'm just saying I started to at least take them off to wash them on occasion starting the summer of 2004. Which DOES happen to be the summer I started dating Josh. Since then, when I do squeeze back into the F.U.N. pants, they seem to be getting more and more uncomfortable, and the next day, I KNOW what pants I was wearin the night before if you know what I mean. Now I can't blame not wearing my F.U.N. pants JUST on Josh, Carson shares that blame, moving away from friends and family shares that blame, but overall, my new desire to take care of my family REALLY shares that blame. BUT, at what point do we put our family in front of our own desire for F.U.N. so often that our F.U.N. pants get moth holes in them and you can't wear them any more???

Well, I have decided I need to make sure I don't find out this answer. Now, this IS going to require me to get some F.U.N. pants that fit me a little better, ones that don't leave their mark, but ones that I can wear out much more often, b/c if there is one thing that I've learned from my recent reflections it is that life is going by TOO FAST!!!! And apparently, like Joey from Friends, God didn't follow through on our agreement to leave me at 26, so I can either spend my evenings wasting away in front of the TV or I can LIVE this life. I can either continue to nurse my love for sleep by sleeping away more of my life than most people, or I can enjoy every minute of every day.

I also thought that when I turned 30 I would magically be transformed into Carrie Bradshaw. Kinda like when I thought I'd look like Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell by the time I was in high school... And once again, I find myself disappointed and in a bit of disbelief. I mean, I didn't EVER expect to live in NYC, but I tought, for SOME reason, I'd at LEAST turn cool. And get a fashion sense, a closet filled with fantastic shoes, have a great trendy group of girlfriends, spend Friday nights at fancy night clubs, somehow always have money to shop with, not really have to work while still getting a pay check, a great body that requires little exercise.... You know, you've seen Sex and the City. Carrie Bradshaw makes being 30 something sound SOOO cool. Real life doesn't make it seem so cool...

Real life makes 30 seem, well OLD. I am out of time to do all the things I wanted to do before I turn 30...

Since I can't go back and relive my 20's, I am going to make sure I don't turn 40 and wish I had lived my life more when I was ONLY in my 30's. I will be having my second (and LAST) child right around this big day. I will spend the next decade (plus) raising them and loving them and enjoying every second of their childhood, but I will also be spending the next ten years enjoying every second of my youth. Because, while 30 sounds old to me now, it will seem SOOO young at 60, and I want to make sure I have no regrets. That I LIVE. That I find myself some new F.U.N. pants. I want to have a better balance for myself, my husband, my friends, AND my children. And like Tim McGraw says:

My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife/husband
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here, In my next thirty years

But for now, I'm sleepy, so I'm gonna go take a nap... I'll start livin next week.

They say a change will do you good...

I think Josh and I may have taken this song to heart as teenagers a little too much- we were talking the other day about why we never seem to just be content to sit and enjoy where we are in life and we then realized that it must be due to our lives since high school- since Josh left home in 1996, he has lived in 12 places (maybe more, but I can remember those) and since 1998 I have lived in 14 different places... And neither one of us are counting the summers we took everything we owned with us to live at Dwight Mission (our summer camp we worked at). We also realized that since 2004 we have had SIX different cars. We haven't even kept our dog count the same or my hair the same color, and now we're having another child... Guess things got too "normal" around here.

Funny thing is most people don't really like change, but we seem to be OBSESSED with it. And we don't just the little things- we are talking the BIG things, HOMES, CARS, CHILDREN, what happened to just changing the wall color? (which I have done since moving here also). This "issue" impacts our job choices as well. I can't STAND doing the same thing everyday at a job. Which makes finding a job pretty tough... Josh can't either. I am horrible at a daily routine- which is probably why being a stay at home mom has been SOOOO hard for me. Josh is too, which results in us blowing off a home cooked meal regularly to just "go" wherever.

Realizing all this has made me wonder just how messed up we are...why don't we just feel content. We DO feel VERY lucky, but we always seem to be planning the next step, planning for next year, next week, or our "new" or "different" whatever...oh well, at least we haven't changed spouses yet...

And speaking of change, our next life change will be here BY April 16th. Which isn't very far away, but the way I feel right now makes it seem like FOREVER! I have been having contractions (Braxton Hicks) which are SOOO annoying because it leaves me ALWAYS wondering if it's "time". I have STARTED to dilate, which is encouraging because with Carson I didn't start anything till week 40. So who knows, maybe she'll come tomorrow...

When you have my kind of pregnancy DON'T...

dig up 10 shrubs in your garden that are REALLY rooted in...
squat while planting 60 flowers...
lay three LARGE bags of mulch...
haul around garden soil to each location...
clean house...
make valance for gameroom...
all in a morning while 9 months pregnant.

Other than making myself VERY miserable yesterday, things are about done around here for Lyla's arrival.
Carseats in? CHECK
Pack-n-play set up? CHECK
Room ready? CHECK
Registry stuff purchased? CHECK
Clothes ready? CHECK
Camera's ready? CHECK
MOM ready? CHECK CHECK CHECK

As of tomorrow, it will be pretty safe for Lyla to make her appearance and get to come home with us. SOOOOOOOO, let the jumping jacks begin, hot food be eatten, and what ever else I can come up with to get this puppy outta my belly!!! (hence the gardening...)

Update on #2

Some of you may have noticed, I've started calling baby girl #2 again...this is b/c my crazy pregnant brain has started doubting the name choice. We origninally chose Lyla because Carson started saying it over and over when we brought it up at dinner. We then found out it means "island girl" and I was SOLD!. I then saw that it was the first girls name I had written down on CARSON's name list before we knew he was a boy. But now I'm wondering about such a girly girly name. I'm worried that by giving her this name that I am laying the ground work for her to become a stripper. I'm worried that she won't fit her name at all. Maybe this is all coming from the fact that I'm a Kendall. My name so UN-girly that I was regularly placed in the boys dorm at camp, my online students STILL call me Mr. Rogers, my mail comes to Mr. and Mr. Josh Rogers sometimes...see my point. Despite all the confusion, I think my name fits me. I certainly could NEVER pull off being a LYLA, so I wonder if #2 will be able to.

Of course, it's not like I have a name in mind that is much different. The only other one I'm running through my mind is Kyla. I figure that would be easy to fix my monogrammed gifts and the letters I made for her wall. And we could call her Ky for short. But I can't think of a middle name I like with it. I don't like Kyla Kade. But I do like Carson & Kyla.

So I'm confused. I don't want Carson to have to learn a new name- he has troubles w/ K's, I don't want to hurt friends feelings who put Lyla's name on gifts, and I don't want her to wish I had chosen the OTHER name, which ever that may be.

But there are things going on besides the name. I think I have decided to have a second C-section if she isn't here by April 16th. I really don't want to END UP in a c-section again. Last time I was too tired to remember much about holding Carson for the first time. I'm going to try for the VBAC if I go into labor naturally, but if I don't, then I'm going to take advantage of the convenience of a planned c-section. Then I won't worry about Carson. Who is STILL my number one priority. Plus I'm in so much pain daily that a c-section will hurt less...

Like I said earlier, I am not able to eat much any more which is resulting in me feeling more wiped than ever and having spells that make me see stars. I'm having nausea again, reflux like crazy, indigestion, and having pretty bad Braxton Hicks- last night they kept me up till 2:30. I wasn't convinced I wasn't in labor, but I didn't want to wake anyone up for a false alarm. Obviously I made the right call, I'm STILL pregnant.

I'm still walking or working out on the eliptical. Which hurts, but it hurts if I don't also. So might as well enjoy the nice weather we've been having and ATTEMPT to stay in shape. So that's where we stand. With just under one month MAX left!

Here are some pics of the progress for those who don't have facebook and enjoy seeing someone get fat... you know that's why you look at pregnant people pictures...to feel better about yourself :)

18 weeks (I'd be happy to only be this big again!)


21 weeks


25 weeks


30 weeks


35 weeks

Carson AND Dillon's Weekend of Firsts...

I was VERY tired this night...


We continued the weekend with Dillon's arrival at 3:30AM Friday night. For those of you who know my brother, I'm sure you know that he had planned on arriving at midnight...but this time it wasn't his fault! He got stuck in construction... twice...ANYWAY, Dillon brought gifts for #2 from my Dad so I had a mini baby shower in the middle of the night. I think my dad bought everything in Dillard's! THANKS DAD!!! Needless to say, I believe we have enough clothes for the first 3-6 months! Unless she grew a wee wee that we are unaware of.

Saturday we got up and around, I had a baby shower for a friend in Katy, I had to leave early b/c I felt bad Dillon was here alone and I about passed out while there (I haven't been able to eat much- explain later). After getting some nutrition in my body, Josh took me to see my dream house, which was kinda mean... then Dillon needed to practice and Carson needed to sleep, so Uncle D babysat while Josh and I went to get the rest of our things off our registry that we felt we needed now. When we got back, we got ready and took off to take Carson to his first NBA game. We started with Sushi then headed downtown. Again, he had a ball and was very well behaved. He learned to yell "Shoot it!" and "Come on!" and "Defense!". So we had two nights in a row of a good time! And, only way it would have been better was if I wasn't pregnant... (noticing a theme?)

On Sunday, Dillon joined in on the "weekend of firsts". We had been planning on going to the beach, but when Dillon remembered NASA was in Houston, and the 12 year old in love with Apollo 13 came out in him. So we went. We got to see all the cool NASA things and Carson got to play in a really cool play area. Another good day. But the first continue...

Dillon prepared dinner for us! Well, Josh cooked it on the grill, but D got it all prepped. And he learned what Worcestershire sauce was (I can't spell that b/c I can't SAY it either). We had a great time at our families 1st annual Daylight Savings Time Celebration! We all feel that the extra hours of sunlight at night are worthy of celebration...

Monday, Dillon had more firsts. I had a doctors appointment, so Dillon took care of Carson. His first time to care for a child! Carson had his first con when he convinced Dillon that I give him root beer for lunch, Dillon got to change his first diaper, Dillon found out that poop is sometimes present in those diapers, AND he even put the diaper back on! Backwards... but like Dillon said, "It was on his butt!". That evening, D's first continued when he learned what a sweet potato was. REALLY??? He had only seen them in their more unhealthy form on Thanksgiving and thought they were orange b/c of the sauce... He had his first Fat Tire beer, and perhaps, judging by his response, his first bowls of Raisin Bran... I know sheltered right?

On Tuesday he left...Carson cried...I was bored...but we had a great time together! I realized while D was here, that we hadn't gotten to spend ANY time with just Dillon and my family since Carson was born. And since Dillon is essentially his only aunt/uncle, I'm REALLY glad that they got to bond! So, Dillon, get your China trip over and get back down here!

Anniversary Celebration + 1

What do you do when you move away from all your friends and family and you want a night out to celebrate your anniversary??? You take your kid along! And it was such a wonderful date night!!! We have always been VERY dedicated to Carson's sleep schedule b/c him sleeping EVERY night is very important to us, but we decided that it would be okay if he stayed out late just one weekend. Especially since we are fixing to have to start teaching good sleep habits all over again next month. Anyway, we just had a ball. And the best part, we will remember this anniversary next year, unlike the last two... I told Josh he needs to step up his game if we can't even remember half of the anniversaries we've celebrated. BUT, this year, we took C to his first Rodeo and his first concert and we will remember that! He was SO funny the whole time! He would shout for the "cowboys" say "YEAH" or "Uh OH!!" and "Yee Haw!". He was so good people around us were commenting the whole time about what a well behaved kid he was. When the concert started he appeared like he was falling asleep in my lap, but as it turned out, we think he was just completely fascinated by the lights and fireworks, b/c he started dancing and clapping in no time. And he didn't even fall asleep on the drive home! I just can't imagine a better way to celebrate 4 years and our last year with just the three of us. (except if I hadn't been pregnant and in pain...)

C thought he was supposed to bring his own horse...


Lovin his light with dad


We thought he was asleep...


NO WAY! Let's party!

Four Years Down...

Remember when you began high school??? It was freshman year and senior year seemed SOOOO far away??? And at some point we all thought, "WOW! This is gonna be a LONG four years!" And looking back at graduation, those four years DID seem long! You changed so much, got in trouble, got outta trouble, had your heart broken, lost friends, made friends, maybe did some homework along the way, just to start ANOTHER four years of college.

College seemed like an eternity as well, on paper at least. During those four years (longer for those smart ones like myself who knew four years wasn't enough) you again changed so much! You got in trouble, got outta trouble, had your heart broken, made new friends, lost friends, made some money, spent all that money at the bar and again, maybe did some homework along the way. Looking back on college, (at least what you can remember) those four years also seemed SO long.

Now at what point did four years start going so FAST? Because now I'm looking back on the last four years of my life...

Today is my four year anniversary, I mean OUR anniversary... (sorry Josh, I know you're a part of this too!) and the past four years have gone SO fast! We have changed so much, AGAIN, we got into some trouble, got outta that trouble, we have had our hearts broken, lost friends, made friends, made some money, spent all that money at the bar and EVEN did homework along the way. Not much has changed.... YEA RIGHT! We have lived in Oklahoma City with one dog, Shawnee with two dogs, added a baby, moved to Houston, removed a dog, and are just over a month away from adding another baby. We have changed jobs, gotten promotions, quit jobs, traveled all around, bought a lake home, sold a lake home, lost loved ones, dealt with divorce, had a few fights, had a lot of fun and shared so much as we have traveled this path together.

Josh and I have been traveling similar paths for a lot longer than four years. We first met when I was 17 and he was 19 (1997) at Dwight Mission, our summer camp we both grew up at. A couple summers later we were on staff together, then neighbors in college. SO, we traveled the same path to the bar every Thursday nights, we were in the same line of work throughout college, we both BARELY made it through college, we moved away from each other, but somehow found each other at the same place in life at Purdue University the summer of 04. Just getting out of a relationship myself, I was VERY hesitant to jump right into things with Josh, and as he constantly reminds me, I did up and go to the lake while he was visiting OKC one time, but then once again, the next day at White Water, there we were at the same place. And have been there since.

I am not trying to make things sound like they have been perfect, we've had our fights, our doubts, our tears. But in the end, we are always here in the same place, wanting the same things.

Becoming parents has been the most uniting thing we have ever experienced. I am so lucky to have a husband who WANTS to be an involved father. Our idea of a fun weekend has changed from back porches and cold beer to zoos and ice cream and we just LOVE it. We are so excited for all the fun times we have to come as parents.

But what I think has been the best thing about the parenting experience is that we have kept our relationship first. We know that we parents, but not JUST mom or dad. We understand that for us to be a good family we have to focus on what made us a family in the first place, Josh and I, our friendship and our love. Though kids DO make it harder to get out and play together, we have set up our life as best as possible to have time daily to just be Kendall and Josh. Every night, C goes down at 7 and we have our time. It's lame, but it's ours. Though leaving family and babysitters has made it hard to have date nights, when we DO, we make the best out of it. But when we have to take Carson along, it's ok. Because we love our little family.

This anniversary is going to be filled with Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice and American Idol, which is lame, but next week, we will celebrate with Toby Keith at Rodeo Houston. And next year, we will be fulfilling our promise we made on our honeymoon, to return in five years, with NO kids. So, I'm cool with lame nights and delayed celebrations, because we will have fun during it all!

And MAYBE, just MAYBE, we will get to see our wedding video that we've been waiting four years to see....

Carson the Comedian

I have been updating my facebook about the things Carson has been doing recently to make me laugh, but since this is becoming the way I track my life, I thought I'd share some of the fun here also. SOOO, if you missed things on Facebook, here are the highlights of my last week or so....

Carson and I were late for school...
Me: "Carson! We're late! Let's roll!"
I walk to the door, but don't hear him behind me, so I look back to find him laying on the floor on his side.
Me: "Cars, what are you doing?"
Carson: "ROLL!"


Just opened the door to get C out of bed...
Me: "Good morning Carson! How did you sleep?"
Carson: "Like THIS!"
He then cuddled up on his pillow with his blankies to demonstrate HOW he slept...


Josh and I were making our nightly trip upstairs to check on C before going to bed and we found him on his back, asleep, with his hand down his pants. And it was in there GOOD! We really had to pull to get that little hand out! Probably should have washed it, I'm sure he peed all over it...Guess he IS a boy!

Man Was THAT Needed!

This past weekend was SO needed in my life. My dear old friend, Jennifer Gates, had her 30th birthday in Austin, Tx. And man, have we come a long way since we celebrated birthdays at Mr. Bills! Now birthday weekends include multiple nights out, spa trips, fancy dinners, but like normal, TONS of fun! While conversations have changed from hall parties, hot guys and beer pong to breast feeding, pregnancy and jobs, it was still SO fun! Not to mention, so great to get together with old friends. Although my stupid pregnancy didn't allow me to enjoy late nights out on the town, I had a blast. Thanks to Jen P and Mandi for putting all that together!

It all made me kinda sad though. You see, I have never been very good at keeping up with friends when life takes us in separate directions. And graduating college DID THAT! My friends scattered across the country and I was super sad because for some reason I figured our friendship was coming to an end as well. And I'm not sure why I thought it had to be like that. Sure, hanging out with your friends in California or Kansas or Oklahoma is HARDER than your friends down the street, but hanging on to those friends who live hours away is worth the extra effort! My friends that live away from me, which included EVERYONE since I too left Oklahoma, are so important to me. And it's so cool when you have friends that are so special that you can pick right back up where you left off. You both may be in different places in life than before, but the friendship is right where you left it.

I wish we all slowed down in life a little and had weekends like last more often. Friendships are so special. They can make you feel whole again, like yourself, before you were mom, or wife, or X job position. They can make you feel young, fun and worry free. And everyone needs to remember that part about themselves occasionally!