Wednesday, December 28, 2011

His sweetness

My sweet Carson response to his cupcakes this morning was a big hug and him saying "Mom that's just what I wanted for my birthday! Cupcakes!"
Love

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Carson I love you 1,547,476

To My Sweet C Man:
This day four years ago was the strangest day of my life. My life was going to change forever the next day and I knew it. We had planned on inducing the morning of the 28th. Thinking back and remembering that there was a time I didn't know you seems unreal. Somehow I feel I have always known you. It's so strange. I guess you will understand someday....Anyway, you turn four tomorrow. TOMORROW. Wow.

Your favorite thing to do right now is to tell us how much you love us. You will do it in such a dramatic way. For example, "Mom. You know how much I love you? I love you ONE (pause pause pause) TWO (pause pause pause) THREE (pause pause pause) FOUR (pause pause pause) FIVE (pause pause pause) SIX!!! And that's a LOT. How much do you love me Mom?" Somedays you will count to twenty or my favorite, "fiveteen". We do this about fiveteen times a day. We can even just be shopping or driving down the road and I will get a "Mom, I love you" followed by a kiss in the air with a little head nod. You are so smooth. And as I sit here thinking about the fact that you are turning, ONE, (pause pause pause), TWO (pause pause pause), THREE (pause pause pause), FOUR tomorrow, I realize that I really can't tell you how much I love
you.

And I will admit, I really don't want you to turn four. Although you tell me "Mom, I have to grow up, there are just things I need to do" I don't want you to. I have been ok with it every other year. I have always been in shock that a year went by, but I've been ok with it. This year, I really want you to stay three. I have LOVED three. Well, the last 9 months of three. The first three months of three were a totally different story, but once we worked that out you have been absolutly the best, sweetest, most loving, little boy I could have every dreamed of. I am now able to see your true heart and I love it and I hope you stay the way you are.

You are kind and generous- I saw an example of this Christmas morning when you were more worried about Santa liking his snack you left than checking to see if he left you anything. You care about others and I hope you stay that way.

You are loving- My favorite thing about this age is your sweetness. I selfishly LOVE the fact that you will pet my face, kiss my boo boos, ask for hugs and kisses, tell me that you will miss me when I'm at work, ask me to play with you all the time, ask to sleep on my room on your pallet, tell me you love me every five minutes. You are in love your family and I hope you stay that way.

You are giving and selfless- I recently packed up all your baby toys and put them in the garage to donate. As usual I did this when you weren't paying attention so that we didn't have any last minute new found love for the toys- but I didn't get them out of the garage. Uh oh. When you walked by them the next day you saw them and naturally went over saying, "Mom! What are these doing out here?" I explained that you had gotten too big and that we were going to take those to some other kids who need them. Your response "Ok, that would be nice". You are not greedy, and I hope you stay that way.

You are realistic- Just today I was obvioysly frusterated while putting together your new pirate ship. You said, "Mom, I just need to call my Uncle Dillon." When I told you "I have this". Your reply, "No you don't Mom, no you don't." You are honest with me, and I hope you stay that way.


When I run, I always listen to the same songs, my "Race Music" play list. And one of the songs I have on there is Simple Man by Lynard Skynryd when it comes on I always think of you. The lyrics I focus on are:

Oh, take your time don't live too fast
Troubles will come and they will pass
Go find a woman you'll find love
And don't forget son there is someone up above

And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try

And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can? Oh yes, I will

Boy, don't you worry you'll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied


When I listen to this song, I wonder how I can raise you to be like this. To be loving, caring, selfless, honest, like you are now. I wonder how in the world I can keep you like this. What are ways we can arrange our life to ensure you never change? How can I show my OWN satisfaction to you so that you can not live in a way that keeps you always wanting more things- different things- and focuses you on money? Maybe this song hits home with me because of my own inability to be content with what I have and where I am. This is all a little deep for a four year old I know. But you are just becoming a little man so fast. I just want more than anything for you to grow up happy. I want us to be able to slow down and enjoy every minute together. I want you to know, really know, that I love you 1,547,476 and I want you to know that THAT's A LOT.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Hardly any cartel...






So, uh, I got a little worked up before our first family vacation- out of the country- on a boat- in the ocean... I joked about it a lot, but will be honest. I did have new concerns I had never had before. But let me tell you right off, they were ALL gone as soon as we pulled out of the driveway.

Our trip began with a short drive just south of Dallas. We thought it would be smart to break up the 9 hours trip since we did have two kids in the back who we assumed would drive us crazy and have to pee all the time. So after making a stop in Norman to drop off the bird, we made one stop in Ardmore and not again until we were there. WHAT?!?! Now, while the trip down was nice and smooth, dinner was not. Lyla was TIRED and fussing the worst I've ever seen her. "Hope this isn't how the whole trip is going to be" Josh said. We got our Chilis to go and headed to the hotel.

Once in the room we tried to let the kids sleep together. Didn't really work. They had never done that before. So I put L in her pack-n-play and C and I cuddled up for the night. And when I say "cuddle" I mean C kicked me in the kidneys all night...

The next morning we woke up the kids and took off. Stopping ONCE. In the Woodlands. The kids were ANGELS and we were feeling better and better about the trip.

When we got to Galveston, we stopped and had some lunch then headed to the boat. You can view C's reaction here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=celTcqS0U80&feature=g-upl&context=G26c207eAUAAAAAAAAAA
If that doesn't work, copy/paste.

I did just make a whole photbook about this trip for my records, so I really don't have the energy to recap EVERYTHING, so here is a short(ish) version:

When we finally made it on the boat after an hour and a half in lines with two kids, one suitcase, one large full beach bag, a big purse, and a bag full of diapers, I was ready for a cocktail. While waiting for it a lady came up to me and said "Your kids are beautiful. You're not going to have ANY fun, but your kids are beautiful. You are couragous and your kids are beautiful." "Thanks" was all I could say...

ANYWAY- C couldn't believe we were on a boat. He kept asking when we were gonna get on it. It was so "amazing". We started everyday off with breakfast, had lunch either on board or on land, and always had formal dinner. The kids were drinking out of stemmed glasses by the end of the week. Carson ate shrimp, lobster, duck, alligator, sushi, FROG LEGS, prime rib, etc. It was crazy. I learned that I just feed him the wrong things because I thought he was picky.

Lyla entertained everyone everywhere we went. Several times people told us that Carnival needed to pay her for the entertainment. She would dance by the pool, dance during the dinner show. She loved it! Once she was dancing and she fell and half the deck of people gasped at her. That's when I realized the crowd she was gathering. People gave them gifts, knew their names. LOL. It was funny.

We had a birthday celebration for C during the beach trips and at dinner and even had his room decorated for him. He hugged me SO big when they brought out his cake. It was SUPER sweet. Lyla then got down and danced away during the "show".

My kids learned all kinds of things. How to push the elevator buttons to the floor others needed, how to say excuse me, how to move to the right when others were coming, how to use lots of silverware, and of course, Carson learned about how people live in Mexico. When we were passing by houses he said "Mom, those houses are broken and nasty. I sure am lucky."

Carson also loved to play "Gator Golf", (mini-golf), eat ice cream, dance, he LOVED the beach, playing at Camp Carnival (we only let him go twice because it was a family vaca after all), both kids even let us have nightly Champagne hour in the lounge before dinner. They would just sit in their chairs and play on our phones while we had grown up time. We would then go to dinner, enjoy great food and excellent service, and of course, you know my kids, go to bed around 7.

The kids slept great. Lyla was true to form and would pull us to her bed each night so that she could go "night night". I think the rocking was good for Lyla. She didn't even chirp in her sleep like normal. It was a little different for J and I however. We had a couple of ROUGH nights, even the crew said it was bad. So we rocked pretty good. But it wasn't really the rocking that got us, it was the shaking. It shook about like a 5.0 earthquake, and since we just came off those... well, not the most relaxing. But we got used to it.

The last day we woke up early to get breakfast before getting off the ship only to find out that we were stuck for the day because Galveston's port was closed due to the CRAZY fog. It was so bad that you couldn't see the back of the ship from the front OR the 75 or so HUGE ships all around us that emerged as the fog lifted. No wonder we were blowing the fog horn non stop. I know what you are thinking. Extra day of vacation? Sweet. Welll. It was hot. We were in sweaters. All our luggage was taken the night before and our charge account was closed because we were done after all. So we waited, and ate, and waited, and of course danced. TWELVE hours later we got dismissed. Then 1.5 hours later we got to our car. The whole time, not a PEEP of a complaint from our kids.

Things were going so well, we decided to spend the next couple of nights in Katy since we missed our Thursday visit. We then drove straight home. Lyla went the whole way since she was sleeping at our half way stop. Not one problem thanks to IPADS. Although she did have one wet diaper she never complained once.

Overall, it was the best week of my life. I can't imagine not taking my kids on every other vacation until they are grown. I just kept saying to Josh, "I'm so glad C is here to see this." We got plenty of relaxation time, I told C that we needed grown up time and he said OK! I can't wait to have Girls Only beach time. I loved getting to show them parts of the world they hadn't seen and I loved loved loved doing it all with just me and my husband. It felt so grown up. ha. I just can't wait to plan our next family adventure. Well, I really can't wait I guess, I have had that in the works since the drive home. And, to the lady at the bar...we had a LOT of fun!

2011 Cruise

Click here to view these pictures larger

Monday, December 19, 2011

Simplify Christmas?

In the last two years, I have heard of a whole new concept, "Simply Christmas". Parents are not letting Santa come to their house and not giving their children lots of gifts in order to focus on the reason for the season, Jesus. I get this part. I do. Our family does try VERY hard to do a Christ centered advent activity every night. We also repeatedly pound into our three year olds head, "We have Christmas because it's a birthday party for Jesus". I GET that society leaves our Jesus and that it's our job as parents to teach our children the real meaning, but to leave out Santa in order to teach? Here's my take on that.

For me as a kid, Christmas was MAGICAL. I couldn't WAIT to see what Santa brought me. Was I interested in those presents that had been under the tree for a few weeks, sure, but what SANTA brought was WAY exciting. I also remember going to visit Santa and wondering if I would get THE REAL Santa or one of his volunteer elves. One of my favorite family memory was driving around Christmas Eve looking at lights and wondering if the red light in the sky was in fact, SANTA! See, Santa gave me the "Christmas feeling". He made me excited for Christmas. Watching Santa movies to this day can bring back that "Christmas feeling". I love that feeling. And I honestly don't think I would have gotten that feeling as a kid had it not been for Santa....Waking hour after hour Christmas Eve, sleeping with my brother in the same bed and whispering, "It's MORNING!" and waiting on my mom to start "Do You Hear What I Hear", our cue to come on out. Seeing my dad in his reindeer hat, and running to see if Santa liked the snack I put out. Just typing this makes me excited for my kids.

As I grew up I was able to comprehend the real meaning of Christmas more and more. The "Christmas Feeling" was later felt during Candlelight services, or while serving dinner with my dad Christmas day. Silent Night sometimes chocked me up. All when I was older and it even happened with Santa visiting.

For me, I just don't know if I would have gotten as "into" Christmas as an adult without experiencing the magic of it as a child.

So, Simplify Christmas to Josh and I has a little different meaning. Three years ago we had TWELVE Christmas celebrations of one type or another, two for work, one for church, then nine for family. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Oh, and three days later, C had a birthday. THAT my friends is too much. Josh and I are trying to simplify the CELEBRATION of Christmas. Call me selfish all you want, but I want my kids excited for Christmas morning rather than burned out from opening presents and traveling all around. This year we are down to four. One per parent and ours. Still too many, but what do you do when you have divorces...

I would like to suggest we Simply Christmas for the ADULTS rather than the children. Why in the world are so many WORKING adults spending money on gifts for other WORKING adults? It's unreal. Gifts for co-workers, bosses, teachers, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters. THOSE are the gifts that stress ME out. I don't know what to get most of them. And I hate giving crap. Those gifts also add up financially, quick. I'd like to make it this simple. Buy for YOUR children/grandchildren and parents/granparents. Send the rest a card. I honestly wouldn't mind if my parents and grandparents stopped buying for me, but there's no chance of that. They want to. I am their child/grandchild after all. My husband and I have decided to not buy for each other. We can buy things we want/need anytime, we are adults. We decided to focus on our kids.

I know this will most likely ruffle some feathers, but honestly asking Santa to not visit ruffles mine. This world is a scary, hard, and mean place why can't we let our children enjoy some simple magic and be kids?

So, this Christmas Eve, we are going to put out our reindeer food, snacks for Santa, read the Christmas Story (from the Bible) AND the Night Before Christmas, watch Christmas Vacation, wake up and see if Santa came. Open WAY too many gifts, play, and then go to church.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Night Night

Tonight about 6:45 my babies and I were having the best time cuddled on the couch. C was watching a show and L and I were reading a book. They were both cuddled up on me and I was not in a rush to do anything else, which was surprising considering I only marked one thing off my packing list today, diapers. Don't wanna go without those.

ANYWAY... so we were cuddled, laughing, reading, then there goes Lil Bit. "I wanna go night night". "You wanna go NIGHT NIGHT? But we are having fun." "I wanna go night night. Om on!" She then grabbed my finger, pulled me off the couch, led me to her room and handed me her PJ's. "You want these on?" "Uh huh". "You wanna rock?" "Huh uh. NIGHT NIGHT."

And that's how the cuddles end...

hahaha

Just looked up a packing list for the trip- first neccessity: DUCT TAPE. I knew it!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Fearless

I am really lucky to be alive typing this. REALLY. When I think about all the stupid things I did in my youth without blinking an eye: racing my Mustang down Highway, drinking way too much, getting rides home with perfect strangers, riding SeaDoos backwards full-speed, letting people drink and drive me on motorcyles, and the list goes on and on. Nothing scared me. Now, this is a normal developmental phase, the dorky psychology professor in me says, but mine felt like more than the typical sense of immortality adolescence experience until their frontal lobes fully develop or whatever. I wasn't afraid of anything. Applying for jobs, starting new challenges, traveling anywhere, speaking my mind. But now since I have become a mother, THINGS. HAVE. CHANGED.

I have realized the extent of this change the last few weeks as I prepare for my first vacation with my kids, and one that involves Mexico travel. I have spent a lot of time in the Caribbean and always been warned of the dangers of Mexico, Jamaica, where ever, and have ALWAYS blown them off. I am cautious, but never thought twice about taking a cab while there, or shopping in the "real" town, or biking through the jungle. But now, NOW I'm taking my BABIES. And NOW I'm worried about EVERYTHING. Here are the crazy, out of control, irrational thoughts that are spinning through my head.

There's the obvious. The Mexican drug cartel. While I have WAY more of a chance crashing my car on the way home and dieing on my own they worry me. I have read and read up on these guys, b/c I am just sure that they are going to want my pretty babies, or my CAMERA, and so I have come up with a plan to ensure that my camera doesn't get stolen. I will conceal it in Josh's backpack that has a strap around the chest so that it can't be ripped off his back. But wait! That backpack has his FULL name on it. I'll need black duct tape to cover it up. I'll also need to put a towel in there to cushion the camera in case it drops. My normal case is too big to take. And the kids, we will get kid leashes. We will walk our kids around like they are dogs. And I will bring duct tape, because the drug cartel, who wants my kids, could just rip the leash out of my hands and run off with them. But with duct tape, they will have to take me too. We will take NO cabs. The cab drivers are for sure in the "cartel" so I will only take Carnival trips. We will go to all inclusive resorts so that we can eat and drink and relax all day. As long as the cartel doesn't come on to our beach, round us all up, ask us all for our money. Make us empty our wallets. I will duct tape our money to the inside of Josh's leg. yes. that will work. (Make J shave leg) So back to relaxing and drinking. Wait. They might use ice. Mexican ice. Duct tape won't work here. Will I have to drink bottled beverages only? The kids will. For sure. We don't want to puke. I can find out where the ice comes from. If it's filtered or whatever, we are ok. We need water shoes. Those are so dorky. But what if the kids step on something and it cuts them. Really don't want to go to a Mexican hospital. The cartel will probably be the doctor. But what if they get cut? And need stitches? Maybe I can buy that glue stuff. Or could little strips of duct tape work? Don't know. I'll find out. I heard no flashy watches. I'm covered there, I don't have a watch. Pretty sure Fossil doesn't count as flashy, but just in case, plastic watch must be bought for Josh. Don't really need a watch. We have phones. But those are worth more than his watch...Must hide those. Duct tape those inside the backpack. Yes. That will work. Then there's the seasick concerns. Will we be? I sure hope not. Called my Nurse Practitioner, she recommended Ginger. must buy ginger. Surely we won't be bothered by that. Sure hope not. And what about the feeling of being in the middle of nowhere on a boat. I have seen Titanic. I looked at the picture of the ship. I see lots of lifeboats. Kinda regretting the window in our room. At least if I didn't have one I could PRETEND to see land. I imagine I may feel the opposite of claustrophobic. Let me look that up... agoraphobia. Fear of wide open spaces. That's it. Kinda. That's what I'm afraid I will have. I wonder if I will sleep. If the kids will sleep. Sure hope so. We sure don't want to be tired if we have to run from the Cartel. We need to leave a day early. C will have to stop to pee. A lot. We will drive half way Friday. Sure hope we don't have any flats. Really don't want to dip into our spending money for that. Do we have enough money? Excursions are paid for. First hotel is paid for. Surely. We shouldn't even go on this. We should put the money into savings. Looked into cancelling. At this point we will lose all our money. That's not cool. Take the trip Kendall. Fun is what a family should have together. Should we get an international plan on our phone? What if there is an emergency? What if there is an emergency that we have NO way of tending to b/c we are in the middle of NOWHERE? Talk about stress. Email will be enough. No phones. It will be warm during the day, not at night though. We need summer and winter clothes I guess. Kids need sunscreen. Tylenol. Should I bring more meds just in case? Diapers, wipes, sunscreen, towels? Or do they have those? I need my camera charger. I should paint my toenails. Oh crap! I don't have a TAN? I don't go to the Caribbean without a BASE TAN. Crap. Crap. Crap. Pack MY sunscreen... My Tylenol. And then there's that Norwalk virus. Wonder if Lysol kills that. I'll bring some just to be sure. Was also warned about bed bugs. Nasty. Must remember to ask for fresh sheets for any trundle type beds. Man, I hope the kids don't drive me crazy.

Oh, wait. Pretty sure that happened already.

I'm also pretty sure my last trip to Mexico my only thought was this bikini or that bikini.

Man, my 21 year old self would be so disappointed in me.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Can you be quiet

C has been growing really fast this month, and when I think back on the month's C highlights, I notice a theme...
C: Mom, can you be quiet? I cant hear my show.
C: Mom, can you be quiet? You are giving me a headache.
C: Mom, can you be quiet? I'm not talking to you.
C: Mom, can you be quiet? I'm trying to take a nap.
C: Mom, can you be quiet? I need to tell God something.

So, either, I'm really loud. Or he is really loud and gets told to be quiet a lot. Or, uh, ok- both. It's just really loud in this house.

No wonder L doesn't talk much. Pretty sure she doesn't get a chance.

The other highlight of November from C:
C, while peeing at my grandmothers....
Mom! I'm sorry I got chocolate on the toilet. But it's ok, I licked it off!

November wrap up

Look at me! I'm following through with my plan. Today as I sit on my couch enjoying my coffee by the fire watching the two loves of my life play, I am trying to figure out where November went... I had to look back to my calendar to remember some highlights...
We took L and C to L's first OU game against A&M. We walked all around before the game looking at all the people, the band, the ponies and had a ball. Well, until L got caught up in a stampede of people... Bad mom. We even made it until half time! Which was impressive bc it was SO windy that day we had to hold on to them for dear life! We are very thankful to our good friends Brian and Elizabeth for sharing their tickets with us!
The next weekend C got to go to his "best friends" birthday party. He was so excited to go to Casen's house. The whole family loaded up and enjoyed a great time at the party eating hotdogs, going on hay rides, and bouncing in the enflatatables. Ok, ok, J and I just watched, but we did eat hotdogs!
The next weekend was a little crazy. J went to deer camp and the kids and I loaded up for norman, where I had pictures to take and Girlfriends to play with. Loved watching the game with Tracy, Lindsey and crew, even though He'll froze over and OU lost to Baylor. Seriously don't think there was a single OU fan who saw that coming. In our lifetime. Oh well, found out that day that I'm growing up I guess and football is just becoming a fun thing to do, it no longer ruins my life if we lose. And I really no longer like the trash talk.
The next weekend we GOT BUSY! I was out of school Wednesday and decided that my house's colors didn't match my Christmas decorations, so I decided to repaint. I think my husband now has proof that Im crazy. But it look SO much better and looks good with the tree. Thursday was our only non-productive day since it was Thanksgiving of course. We spent the day in Duncan and got back that night ready to get back to work.
Friday we did all our decorating, inside and out. I LOVE decorating for Christmas. I always wish I had more stuff to out out. This year was extra special bc Carson was actually helpful! He really helped me decorate the tree. It was so fun! L took a nap for most of it, so it was fun just hanging with C dog. Friday night my mother in law came up to keep the kids so we could do our Christmas shopping Saturday and then enjoy a night out with our dinner club. Then Sunday we wrapped. Now, it's all nice and pretty and DONE!
Th earthquakes have calmed down as well. We have still had several, but we arent feeling them most of the time. They are so small now that I can blame it on the heater kicking on or something, like I prefer.
We have also started our nightly family advent activities. Wll blog about those later, and we are on the countdown to vacation! Yesss.
Well, that about wraps up November. Busy, fun, and a little shaky.
And now we are on the countdown to our first vacation as a family!

Friday, November 18, 2011

19 months- a month later than planned...




I don't blog about my kids nearly enough. Especially since I do not scrapbook, so this is kinda it. So, I was really disappointed when I realized this week that Lyla turned 19 months old and that I didn't blog about her at 18 months old like I had planned. I guess the reason why is that I don't really know what to say. All I really know to say is that it's going TOO fast. I should say size stats, Lyla was 21 pounds at her check-up. Pretty pumped she grew. She's still on the small side of the growth chart. Which is fine. After all, it would be sad if she grows up with the nickname "Lil Bit" and turns out to be a "Big Bit"... She is still the sweetest thing I have ever met, but is learning quickly how to get attention and how to get her way. Let's just say she has strong opinions. She still loves to be the baby. She loves to be carried every where still. She still loves to cuddle and is FINALLY allowing us to rock her a little before bed. She won't let herself fall asleep though. She doesn't like that. She will rock and the sit up and say "Yiunnadoe night night" (I want to go night night). She then smiles while we lay her in her crib and cover her up. It's the sweetest part of my day.



Lyla doesn't seem to have quiet as many words as C did at this point, he had almost 100. But she tries sentences a lot more than he ever did. And she will attempt any word you ask her, so if I wrote down everything she CAN say, she'd probablly be close, but she doesn't really NEED to talk, C never stops long enough to give her a chance.



Speaking of C, Lyla does EVERY SINGLE thing he does. If he jumps, she tries to jump, if he cries, she cries, if he gives me kisses, well you get the point. She ADORES him. The first thing she says in the morning is "I yunt BUBBA!" The second is "I yunt Peppa" (Peppa Pig is her MOST favorite show!) Lyla loves babies. Real or pretend. She is so sweet as she pats them and kisses them. It's really sad because she would make a great big sister, but I'm not having another baby unless I can experience it from the dads point of view. So she's out of luck. But I'm sure she will make a great babysitter someday.



Lyla is good at making me be the mom she needs me to be. She will play and play and then she needs me. And there is NO putting her off. She comes at me with those little arms stretched way up in the air or she will back into me and sit in my lap. She still sucks her two fingers so when she cuddles in your arms you remember how it was when she was oh so small.



Lyla has been going to Mothers Day Out since she was 9 months old. I didn't like doing that, but financially at the time and lack of sitters forced me to do it. But she LOVES it. She has the best and most loving teacher. She reaches for her every morning. Some mornings she cries for me, but stops before I hit the door. Picking her up is my favorite part of the day. Seeing her play with her friends then drop everything to yell "MAMA" and laugh with joy (she kinda has a crazy woman laugh that is HILARIOUS!). She then YELLS "BYE BYE" at everyone she knows. So SWEET.



Lyla is a great eater. When she is done she waves those sweet little hands in the air and says "All done" or "Ta Da!". Love it. She loves being dressed up and getting her hair brushed. She loves bows and shoes. And of course, anything that is Carsons. She is a tough little cookie. She wrestles and shoves her brother off anything she wants. She is gonna have a little fight in her. Which is fine. She won't be very big. She has a VERY mean look she can pull out when she needs it. Always handy for any girl to have I guess. She loves my phone because she can play "Bubbles". She has learned to sometimes enjoy saying "cheeeeese" for the camera. However, most of the time, never for my good one, only for my phone camera.



Lyla is becoming less shy. She is realizing that she is super cute and starting to show off a little for strangers who are willing to give her attention. It's funny. She flirts a little. No clue where she got that ;). She loves loves loves to dance and to listen to music real loud in the car. Her favorite song is "Stuck Like Glue" she sings along. It's so funny. She is VERY pigeon toed. Found out that runs in the family. My uncle said my dad was "retarded as hell" (lol) and had to wear special shoes, yes, like Forest Gump. J and I grew out of ours without special assistance. Thank goodness. She tells me when she has a wet or dirty diaper. However, I am in NO hurry for two potty trained kids, so she's stuck a while. We can barely get from point A to point B as is without stopping for C to pee, so L is just gonna have to wait. Afterall, she's only 19 months. Diapers are easy. In fact, I'm thinking about making C wear one on our drive to Galveston in a few weeks... that's bad right?...Tell me not to do that. I can just give him a bottle to go in instead. ;)



Well, I guess I had lots to say. Lyla is an angel. And growing too fast. But everytime she grows more I love her more, so I guess it's ok.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

November...

Is off to a bumpy start. No seriously. We were woken up by an earthquake two nights in a row. The first night, was quick. J and I jumped out of bed and ran in circles trying to figure out what blew into our house or what blew up. Only when we turned to facebook did we find out that is was actually a 4.2 (or something) earthquake. In OKLAHOMA.

Then Saturday night J had just gotten in bed, I was passed out from lack of sleep from the night before, when boooommmm again. This time it lasted what seemed like FOREVER. I think it was only a minute, but it was seriously one of the scariest moments of my life. J and I ran to our kids hall, completely expecting them to be awake. After all, it was LOUD. and we were SHAKING. They slept through it. But we were shook up.

So, we got on facebook to find out that it was a 5.6. I'll just say that I don't want to feel ANY bigger. The rest of the night was spent trying to fall asleep, once we would, an aftershock would hit. not cool.

At one point C came in, between aftershocks, and said he was scared of a monster. This was normal, so I assumed he actually didn't feel anything, after all, he slept through the other two. I just kept thinking how happy I was that he didn't get what was going on b/c I didn't want him to feel as scared as I was.

I think there were something like 20 earthquakes in all, or more. We felt them getting ready for church, in the afternoon, evening. Even got to see the damage at a local college where they had part of their building fall. However, J was proud to find out that he did build an "Earthquake proof swing set". ha.

This afternoon I asked C why he slept in our room. He said he was scared. I asked why. He said "well, because the floor was shaking." Guess it didn't slip by after all. :(

Turns out I am an earthquake chicken! Earthquakes and roller coasters are NOT my thing. Apparently I like to be on solid STILL ground. I am just hoping that this crazy paranoia ends soon. Any noise I hear I'm afraid another is coming, yes you can hear them COMING. Every time I am shaken, like at church by the guys foot behind me, I get that creepy feeling all over again. And I don't really want to go to sleep, because it is NOT a good thing to wake up to. Earthquakes just suck. You don't know when they are coming or when they are gonna STOP. not cool.

Sure hope November smooths out...

It's the most wonderful month of the year

I LOVE October! We get a break from the heat, a break from school, a lot of football, and what is growing to be my ABSOLUTE favorite holiday, Halloween!
Here's a quick look at our October:
Early OCtober, my dad brought C a sling shot and a "hunting hat". C was so thrilled he decided he wanted pictures.




Then, it was the greatest day of my life. Just kidding. Well, maybe not. I finally got to dress my little girl up like an OU cheerleader. I was thrilled. Little bit enjoyed it as well. And once again, C was willing to take pictures.








We then got all fancy for Carson's Jessie's wedding. C looked SO handsome in a suit...






Then J took an afternoon off during Fall Break and we all went to check out the Orr Family Farm. It was SO nice. It felt like we were in Katy again. It was so clean and well kept. The kids loved it. I think we found a fall tradition! C LOVED the huge bouncing pillows and the giant slide. We took a train ride and a hay ride. And of course, took a lot of pictures. They were NOT in the picture mood that day. This is C mid complaint...



I LOVE their matching expressions here...



Lil bit looked a lot cuter, but it was HOT and I had a sweater and a coat over this shirt...





On October 30th, my cousin Krisiana and I pulled off a suprise party for my grandmother, DeDe. Here's some cute pics of my kids from that day.







And then there was HALLOWEEN!!! This is becoming my favorite holiday as an adult because all the other ones involve guilt. Guilt over not being able to spend time with everyone in our family who wants us to spend time with them. Halloween is just about the kids having fun and us having fun with them. I JUST LOVE IT. C got to pick what he wanted to be this year for the first time, and he chose to be a pirate, for the second time. He also wanted Lyla to be one as well. While this was kinda against everything I had wanted, I gave up my dream of a little cute cuddley bunny or something and let my baby girl be a pirate.





And once again, C was WANTING his picture taken.





Until I asked for one sitting down that is...




C got to trick or treat this year. It was SUPER sweet. She would "say" trick-or=treat sometimes, but mostly she just said "ARG" and laughed to everyone she saw.



We tried to hit up a party after a pit stop at the Rollins house, but you know my kids, it was like after 7, so L fell apart and we had to go home to go to sleep. Maybe next year we will trick-or-treat in the DARK...

































Friday, October 28, 2011

August 3rd

Was the last time I blogged. SERIOUSLY? It's not like nothing blogable has happened or that I haven't had memories I wanted to blog about. I guess I just have been keeping myself too busy. Or something... Or maybe I felt pressure to write "good blogs". Who knows. When I started this blog I planned to blog once a week. Wednesdays. Then at least once a month. Now, once a semester? Come on! I don't scrapbook, I blog. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRACK MY FAMILY MEMORIES. I have GOT to do this more. Even if it's silly or a little too sweet. I will blog. Maybe once a week.

Today, I'll just blog about a short conversation with my 3.75 month old son....

"Mom, my butt hurts" C said walking into my room with his pants off. "Well, get your fingers out of it." "Oh."

Really? Boys...

Next week I'll blog about October. My most favorite month. I think you'll see why...

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

One of those days.

I am having one of "those" days that normal mom's probably don't like to admit to having. You know the days that you look at the children, who you love more than anything, but can't help but to feel like you are being punished....Your head is pounding due to the constant screaming coming from the two babies, who you always imagined would play together happily... or not. You are wiping snotty noses, kissing boo boos, asking them not to hit each other, not to throw their balls at your face, not to dive off the couches head first, to please eat their breakfast. You are still in the clothes you slept in, teeth unbrushed, no breakfast, too little coffee, hair a mess, and you just want to scream "What happened to my LIFE?!?!" To top it all off it is boiling hot outside, so you can't send them outside AND the city's water lines busted so you can't even turn the sprinklers on to let them play. So there you are. Head pounding. Stinking. Hungry. Comforting crying babies. Fighting back your own tears. Feeling like you are the worst mom in the whole wide world. Then one little baby comes up to you and says, "Mom. Why are you so grouchy today?" And you sit down on the floor with them and tell them, "because you guys are SO loud." And that little baby says, "Oh. Well, I'll be quiet to make you better." Kisses you on the head and skips off.

And with that, you regain the patience to continue.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

It was the summer of 2011

I haven't blogged in two months. I blame it on the nice even number of blogs I have posted to date- 100. That's only minor OCD that I didn't want to change it to 101, right?

Either way, I decided that today was THE day to catch up on the summer....

This summer has been fast, slow, busy, boring, sweet and frustrating all at the same time. And it looks like it is only going to be about 9 days too long. Here's a wrap up of my summer with the two kids. We have started most days at the YMCA getting our workouts and play time in, we have helped out with two VBS's, fed lunches to hungry kids in the park, spent a week at camp, spent long weekends at the lake and watched WAY too much T.V.

I have also had a total of 15 hours of class this summer, so nap times, bed times, feeding times, and any little chances I get in between have been spent in front of my computer. Which lead to the frustrating part of the summer. I have felt like I have been behind the WHOLE time. But I made it. Summer school is now over and I am very close to being ready for the fall to begin. WOO HOO!

Kid update:
Carson is, well, LOUD. LOUD and NAKED. If I am not asking him to not yell, I am asking him to put some underwear on. I really don't mind the nakedness, but it's easier to keep his hand off his wee wee with his underwear on. Plus, when he goes outside naked, I'm afraid his butt will burn and I don't really wanna worry about putting sunscreen in places that the sun SHOULDN'T shine.
In addition to being LOUD, C is also getting a smart mouth. I just can't imagine where THAT came from. Case and point, here is a conversation we had the other day:
Me: Carson, I really need you to eat your banana.
C: Why?
Me. Because you need it to grow tall and strong.
C: I'm already strong.
Me: Ok, are you strong enough to pick me up?
C tries and fails
C: No.
Me: Well, then it looks like YOU need to eat this banana.
C: Mom, can you reach that up there.
Me: No.
C: Well, it looks like YOU need to eat this banana.

Smart. Ass.

Needless to say, he no longer hopes to be "tall like you, Mama." He's moved on to his dad. Which is better really.

Carson has also mastered the pool this summer. He loves to do cannon balls, belly flops and even likes to dive. But we have to be there to flip him back over or his swim suit floation device will hold him feet up. It's kinda funny to see just for a SECOND.

Carson has NOT mastered flushing the toilet. I regularly do poop checks around the house. With three toilets, one of which I never use, I find left over poop in the potty most days. It's really only an issue when the upstairs one gets missed for a few days...

Carson has also mastered being boss of Lyla. He regularly disciplines her by saying "No No little miss!" and "Lyla! I have told you a hundred time!" And "MOM! Lyla is being a pain in the butt". He is also great at being sweet to her. He calls her "sweetheart" and hugs on her and likes to carry her around. I frown on that, but whatever.

Carson has NOT mastered dressing himself. IF I can get him to get dressed, I can only hope for him to NOT come out with a crazy shirt, crazy shorts and of course his camo rain boots on the wrong feet...

Carson sleeps most nights on a pallet on his bedroom floor. Whatever. Gets EMBARRASSED if he falls out of his bed, when he does sleep in it. His (and MY) new favorite thing to do is cuddle in our bed and watch a movie. It's pretty cool he likes to watch them. He LOVES "Captn Jack" and regularly speaks in pirate. He has to do everything "MYSELF" and sheepishly asks for help when he can't do it. He is sweet and loving 90% of the time and the rest of the time he is a "pain in the butt". I'm sure I'll get in trouble for that when school starts....

Lyla is also LOUD. She doesn't have the vocabulary that C did at her age, but seems to be MUCH more aware of what she wants and is REALLY REALLY aware of how to get it. She has this high pitch squeal that will get even the most stubborn parents to jump to give her what she wants just to make it STOP. Then she laughs and smiles the sweetest little smile, you can't help but to think she is the sweetest thing EVER (or quiet the little devil...) Either way, we are screwed when she gets older...

Lyla LOVES to dance and my kids favorite summer activity is listening to "Energizers" from camp and dancing in her room. She is also the nosiest little thing ever. She gets into more than Carson ever did. She loves digging in my cabinets and hiding my cell phone in them. She also is naturally a girly girl (for now). She loves to put on jewelry, even that of strangers, carry purses and put bows in her hair. Too bad I am not much help in that department.

Lyla FINALLY started walking. She waited until we got to camp, then took OFF. She really hasn't been that unstable, because she just waited until she was READY. Not much on taking chances. This could be the only trait that saves me during her teenage years...

Lyla shakes her whole body up and down or side to side when asked a question. She doesn't bother SAYING yes or no, but there is NO doubt what her anwer is.

She is just as sweet, but busier now than ever, so less into being held. Which has been bitter sweet. I needed her to let me put her down, after 9 months of pregnancy then 14 months of carrying her, I was LITERALLY crooked. So my back/hips/neck feels better, but I struggle to just get a cuddle in. She likes to sit on the floor at bedtime across from you when you read and thinks every story is the funniest thing EVER, but doesn't really care to cuddle, she also doesn't care much for a drink before bed, so no cuddle time there either. She laughs when we lay her down because she's so happy to be in her bed, so no cuddling to sleep. But when she is sick she CUDDLES! Woo HOO! I mean, poor thing ;). I take advantage of hurting teeth, or colds!

Speaking of teeth, she still only has four. Wish me luck over the next few months. I'm SURE we are about to get a whole mouthful at ONCE. eek.

By four pm everyday I am usually about to go crazy. I really don't know how stay at home moms do it every DAY. By four, C is literally bouncing off the walls/furniture/floor and Lyla is so ready for bed she just fusses non stop. She likes to be fed at 5 and again at 6ish when we eat. And really the only way to make her happy is to hold her, but she doesn't cuddle when you hold her, she fights it, wants up, then wants to be held again and repeats. So I gave up cooking to tend to her during this time of day. Luckily, Josh really likes to cook and is great at it. Whew.

Between the before dinner tears and frustrations and the struggles a bedtime with a three year old, I go to bed every night more convinced I do not want ANY more children and thanking God for moments like that, because if it wasn't for breakdowns and temper tantrums we would NEVER want them to get older. At least with age comes greater control of emotions.

However, by morning, the miracle of motherhood has occurred and I am ready and willing to do it all over again. And until about 4pm- I couldn't be happier....

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

This used to be my playground

Dwight Mission. I can't even put into words how special this place is to me and my husband. See, Dwight gave me life. I know, my parents and God did that, but Dwight gave me MY life.






It has been 20 years this summer since my childhood friend, Lauren Phelps, first said to me "Let's go to Dwight Mission". Me, always having been up for a good time said, "Let's go". And that was the first week of my life.





For the first time in my life, I go to meet myself. I got to know what it felt like to fee comfortable in my skin. Being an akward tomboy at age 11, I had been feeling uncomfortable in every sense. Physically and socially. But at camp, it all went away. Confidence shined through that hadn't been around since my earlier years, socializing became natural. BOYS like ME. Girls sometimes didn't because of that. But I felt good. I liked getting to know myself. And somewhere between singing songs and chasing boys, I met God.

I continued attending Dwight Mission camps, retreats, ski trips, anything that I could attend I did. I even missed my WORLD OM competion one year because it was during camp. Missing camp was not an option.



Summer after my freshman year in college, I found myself wondering what I was going to do for the summer. I didn't have myself in the best life situation, bad relationship, partying too much, so I knew I needed a new path, fast. One day I ran into my dear friend Nick Thompson, who I met that first summer as the akward 11 year old tomboy. He said, let's go to camp and be counselors. Well, I had ALWAYS wanted to do that so I said yes! I interviewed with one of my old counselors who was now the Program Director and he said yes! A couple of weeks before I got cold feet about leaving that relationship behind, when another good friend, Keith Anderson, who I also met that first summer, reminded me of all the reasons I wanted and needed to be there. That was it. I was going. Well, until I ran into this Tracy Brown girl in the cafeteria and found out SHE was going. GREAT. I thought. She does NOT like me, because Nick Thompson liked my friend Lauren Phelps. I didn't EVEN like Nick that way. But again, I decided to go.

Again, I can't put into words how special my first summer on staff was to me. Of course, right away, Nick and I were playing and having a ball, that Tracy Brown girl, has been my best friend since staff training, some annoying guy Josh Rogers was on staff that summer, a guy named Brian Carroll, Johnna Comptom, and SO many more- we all became friends. So I spent the summer chasing boys, singing songs, and again meeting God.

The second summer I was on staff, my good friend Keith joined, remember, the one who had to talk me ino going again? Well, he talked me into going back with him that summer. Nick was gone, but Tracy was back, along with her boyfriend who she had met at Dwight Mission as a camper. At some point that summer a life changing moment happened. Jim Burns, from Memorial Presbyterian Church in Norman, asked me to interview to be one of their youth directors. Now THIS was a shock. I couldn't believe that he saw ANY possibilities in me to do that kind of work. But again, I said yes.

After what was another WONDERFUL summer, I interviewed for the Memorial job and got it. I also moved in with Tracy Brown after spending a school year neighbors to Josh Rogers. Tracy and Tim Dowell spent the year dating and getting engaged, I worked at Memorial until one day Nick Thompson called saying that I should apply for a job at Westminster (a MUCH bigger church) as their junior high director. Well, there has been one thing I've learned in life, say "yes" to Nick. ;)

I interviewed and again got a youth director job. I still had some school left so I finished that up while working with who else? Nick. Then Nick left. But guess who replaced him? Tracy Brown. Now Dowell. All in all, I spent four years working there with two of my best friends and one of the most special ladies I have ever gotten the pleasure to meet, Linda Zahn. During my time at Westminster, I began leading a youth retreat called Youth Quake. I needed someone to lead music so I called on my old camp friend Josh Rogers. We got to hang out after what had been years a couple of times- and eventually started dating, and you know the rest.

Like I said, Dwight gave me life.

Now Josh and I have two wonderful children and we jumped on the chance to take them back to the place where it all started over Memorial Day. Now, this was a big deal for this lake bum, but MAN am I glad we went! And guess who was there? Nick Thompson, Brian Carroll, Johnna Compton, etc.etc. As well as SEVERAL kids who were in Josh, Nick, Elisa (Nick's wife, who was a youth director with Josh) or I's youth groups were now counselors. It was great.

While there I started thinking about what it means to be a "Dwightie". Most don't get it. My parents didn't. Most of my friends don't. And that's because it's hard to describe.

Being a Dwightie means singing to the top of your lungs no matter what age, it means laughing until you cry several times a day, it means you do not feel comfortable in closed toe shoes or real clothes no matter how long you've been off staff, it means you love people who you couldn't stand in the real world, it means your idea of worshiping God is outside, sweating to death, sitting on a dirty floor and loving every second, it means believing in ghosts, it means being excited that a Moose, that is clearly a DEER, found it's way home, it means being able to imagine the taste of Christine's bisquits and the red juice, it means butterflys evertime "the fence" comes into sight, it means, at one point, you may have drank your whole small group's spit, it means having friends that are closer than family, it means your ankles look naked without strings around them, it means never letting inside jokes die, it means you won't think of watermellons the same again, it means believing in true love, it means meals should always be followed by song, it means learning if something needs to be done- you do it, it means you have worked for like $1.50 an hour, it means you know how to solve problems, stay calme, and smle when things are tough, it means you will dance like a fool to pop songs at your wedding and not care! It means seeing the stars so close you feel like you can touch them, it means quick showers, hard beds, it means eatting way too many smores, it means sneaking out late at night, it means seeing others like God must see us, without fault, and full of love, it means you know your comfort zone and how important it is to push it, it means you call out "MAGIC CIRCLE" when you want to not be touched, it means crying when you have to leave and undestanding that the transition to the real world takes time. Most of all, it means only feeling truely at home when you are there.


And this weekend, my kiddos began their journey to become "Dwighties". I hope it gives them life too.










































































Friday, April 29, 2011

Forgetfulness

Perhaps the best gift God gives us mothers....

The ability to forget the pain of pregnancy- well maybe not ENTIRELY- but enough to be dumb enough to do it again...The ability to forget the pain of childbirth. The ability to forget the EXHAUSTION the first few weeks, the pain and discomfort of nursing/pumping, the ability to forget the frustrations earlier on in a day.

While looking at my sweet sleeping baby Carson last night, I went through my normal thoughts, main one being, WHY is this big body on my little baby? And why is my baby in this big bed. But the main thing I noticed last night, was how I could barely remember how frustrated I was just a few hours earlier. He looked like such a sweet angel and the ONLY thing I could remember was my love for him.

I'm pretty sure only our children can receive such instant forgiveness and unconditional love. I mean, I love Josh and all, but I may still be frustrated with him if I had spent the morning listening to him say "It's ok Kendall, I'm just puttin my foot on your face"...

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Thankful

Just had to take a minute while C is eating yogurt to vent about how thankful I am to be leaving for work in 1.5 hours. I'm about to blow. C is being extra- well extra THREE today. He is hovering over me at all times. Pulling on my earring while saying "It's ok Mama, I'm just touching." Or putting his foot on my face saying, "It' ok Mama, I'm just putting my foot on your face." I have answered 1,998 questions today about ridiculous stuff. I've attempted to talk on the phone with my doctor, only to be interrupted non stop with "Mama Yatch" (watch) "Mama Yatch. Mama YATCH!" When I got off the phone and said "What is it?" Carson proceeded to throw himself down on the ground... REALLY??? THAT'S WHAT YOU ACTED LIKE A COMPLETE BRAT TO SHOW ME???

It took me 20 minutes to put on 2 minutes worth of make-up due to "MAMA YATCH!" every 30 second. I'd go out of the bathroom and say "What baby?" and he's kick a leg in the air- while laying down- not even while standing up- and he's say "Isn't that AMAZING?!?!" All my power not to say "No. That's dumb. And I walked across the house for that trick TEN TIMES IN A ROW. It wasn't amazing a SINGLE time!" But I said, "AMAZING" like a good mom should.

But does a good mom really think "YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY CHILD!!!"??? I can't get him to go play- he has the world upstairs- but he wants to be here with me. ON me. FEET IN MY FACE!

I love him. But, one hour 25 minutes left...I'm thankful.

Friday, April 15, 2011

All I never knew I wanted

Sweet Lyla- I will never lie to you about being in total shock that I was having a little girl. The thought of a girl scared me. That fact has never been hidden. I always had in my mind that I'd have two little boys who would be rough and dirty and loud and that I would love it. Then the day came when you were FINALLY confirmed to be a girl and you turned my world upside down. I threw out my boys names, my boy color schemes, started giving away C's old clothes and started working on trying to figure out what I was going to do with a little girl. One year ago today you were not in my life yet. My dad had made his way to Katy, we had headed into Houston to check into our rooms and enjoy our last evening. I was scared to death that I was going to ruin your brothers world by adding you to it. I am not a crier, but I cried the last night I put C to bed as my one and only child. Had I only known the joy you were soon to bring us all I would have saved those tears. The morning you were born Josh and I walked to the hospital holding hands. It was still dark. I'm pretty sure you would have been born "naturally" by the next day. It hurt. That whole morning passed with such ease, and though I was scared, because who likes to be awake while they are cut open, it was all so easy. I walked into the room, hoped up on the table, leaned over, became numb, almost puked, held it in, Josh joined and you followed close behind. You were the most squished up c-section baby I have ever seen! You really must have been trying to come out, you were swollen and really looked a lot like me after a natural birth- but you didn't have to do all the squeezing. You were taken from me for a bit due to fluid in your lungs, no one ever let me know there was a big problem, so I waited, as calmly as I could for you to come back. And before I ever knew if they put my bladder back to where it should be after hearing "don't put her bladder there!" you were in my arms and the rest is history. I loved you instantly. This feeling didn't happen with C. I think I was too tired, drugged and unsure he could really have been MINE. His love came night #2. But I remembered EVERYTHING with you, I wasn't tired and I KNEW you were mine. Your brother loved you instantly too. All my worries were gone when the first thing C said was "I wanna give her kiss". Melt. My. Heart. Today I think back on this past year and can NOT believe it has passed. Your sweet cuddles and the way you laugh at nothing at all has made this year tied for the best year of my life. I also never knew what I would have missed not having a daughter. I can't really explain it, but I feel like you are my soul mate. Not like your father is to me, but like your companion. I know the struggles you are going to go through as you grow. I know the heart break you will suffer from at an early age, I know the hurtful words friends will say to you, I know the excitement of the first dance recital, the first date, prom, shopping trips, graduation, college, your wedding day, your first baby. I also know you will not always like me. But I promise you, I will ALWAYS love you. And as the years pass and the memories of how hard growing up is fade for me, I promise I will always take a minute to remember. To feel your pain. To remember you excitement. To UNDERSTAND all you are going through. And I will not judge. I will not limit you. I will hold your hand. I will guide you. I will do everything in my power to live as an example for you. I will challenge myself to show you that you can do ANYTHING you want. Lyla Kade, you are my world. I never knew I ever wanted you. Much less how badly I needed you.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Ten years later

Ten years ago today it was the eve of the day that I thought would change my life forever- I was turning 21. At midnight we went to celebrate legally buying a drink and the next night went out big. I can remember, YES REMEMBER, everything from my 21st like it was yesterday. I had only wanted to go bowling with friends, but my boyfriend at the time also had a surprise party planned. So, AFTER bowling, we did it all right, three bars and 26 shots later I was 21. Now ten years later I sit. Thinking back over the last TEN years and I wonder how it went so fast. I think about how I've changed. Most important, I think about how I DON'T feel ANY older, if anything, YOUNGER. At 31 (tomorrow) I can say that I feel better than I ever did at 21. I am rested and needing less sleep to feel rested, I am physically stronger, I am lighter, my liver is happier, my lungs are MUCH happier, I eat right and at appropriate hours of the day, I take vitamins, I get daily exercise, I have successfully pushed my body farther than I ever did in my "youth". I feel GREAT. And I'm wondering, if this is how good I feel after only about 3 years of taking care of myself, can I trick myself into feeling even younger 10 years from now? maybe so. And maybe getting older won't be so bad after all...

Monday, April 4, 2011

And my husband wonders why I'm crazy...

Just taking a quick minute to make an attempt to somewhat justify my craziness by the end of the day. You see, Carson asks a LOT of questions. Here's a quick run down of the conversation that took place on the three to four minute drive to Josh's office this morning. C: Mama, can we walk to school? K: No baby. We will blow away. C: Why we blow away. K: B/C the wind is blowing real hard. C: Why is the wind blowing? K: I don't know. It just is. C: THERE GOES MY SCHOOL! WHY AREN'T WE STOPPING???? K: B/C we have to stop by daddy's office. C: Why? K: To pick up a receipt. C: What's a receipt? K: It shows us how much money we spent on things. C: What money did we spend? K: Our money. C: What money? K: Money we don't have. C: Do I get out at daddy's? K: No baby. Daddy's gonna run out. C: Why daddy run out? K: B/C we are in a hurry. C: Why are we in a hurry? K: B/C I have to go to work. C: Why do you have to go to work? K: To get more money. C: THERE'S DADDY'S!!! Whew. Three minutes. And Josh wonders why I'm crazy after 8+ HOURS!!!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

New beginnings

Yesterday was the first day of spring and like everyday I have had lately, it was absolutely great. Today, the second day of spring, came the day I've been waiting for since June 15th- my house in Katy is officially sold. Whew. I didn't even realize the amount of relief I would feel today, because I had already gotten used to the fact that it was sold, but CLOSING on it, what a RELIEF.

So now we can start fresh. We have so many wonderful things coming to life around us. Trees we've never seen in our yard blooming, flowers we didn't know were planted sprouting up, our sweet baby Lyla is coming into her own sweet, playful personality more each day and will turn 1 in just a few short weeks. As sad as this is, we get to have two "kids" now. All the fun things in life can begin.

For the first time, pretty much in my whole life, I feel so content. I am content, thankful and honestly LOVING everything I am doing and trying to do in life. Are their frustrations and stress that come along with being so behind financially? Sure. Does my three year old make me want to pull all my hair out at times? OF COURSE. Am I still waiting on my husband to organize the garage? Well duh. Am I fighting back the tears about Lyla no longer being a baby. Yes. But I am SO happy. And SO content. And so THANKFUL.

I finally feel reassured that the decision to come back was right. Josh is loving his job, my kids are loving school, the house sold, I love my new home, getting involved in town and in a church, Carson started soccer, getting to go down to the lake. Life is good. And I'm just so excited for the rest of it.

Monday, March 14, 2011

To my husband: Half a decade

When you say it like that, 5 years REALLY seems like a long time. I wonder how it has gone by so fast... Just five short years ago I was soaking up the sun in Jamaica with my new husband. Nice and clean and tan. Today, five short years later, I am still in my PJ's (at 3pm), I'm white and in Oklahoma on a sunless day, listening to my TWO kids play together in the living room. The fourth living room we've shared since we married. Five short years ago.

Most days I still look at you slightly confused and think, "I MARRIED JOSH ROGERS? That doesn't seem like me at all." You know this. Knowing so much of each other for so long does make for occasional confusion when we really think about how far we have come. Josh and Kendall- Dwighties, drinking buddies, youth directors, Oil and Gas peeps, INSURANCE ADJUSTOR'S, college instructors, PARENTS of TWO... maybe someone should have cut us off a while back...

I LOVE that after 5 years of marriage, that we still call each other the minute we get off work, or when we are driving some where in two different cars. It's great to me that we still want to talk as much as possible. I love that we think EVERY night is important enough to spend together and when we can't- even if we are looking forward to "me" time- we get kinda sad that we will miss a night with just us. Even though, 98% of those nights consist of nothing more than episodes of House,Greys, or Idol and a glass of wine (if we are feelin crazy) I still LOVE that we make it a priority. A priority to be together.

The last two years have by far been the hardest of our 5 years. Changing jobs twice, moving twice, having two mortgages, adding another child. Lots and lots of prayer, concern, doubts, challenges, tears- but here we are. Ten days away from closing on one house- two weeks from closing for the second time on our new one- we lost well over $30,000 and we feel stronger not older, happier not more stressed. We still have a million unknowns but we wake up everyday excited and go to bed knowing we can conquer any challenges.

I was amazed this last 10 months at how little we fought. I was braced for impact. Knowing how poorly we verbalize our feelings at times. But we just focused. We focused on what we want, why we made the change and on how great it will be when the hard times pass. I am proud of our relationship for that. I am proud of the man you have become- the father you have become- the husband you have become. I am proud of the sacrifices you have made for our family. I am proud that you have thought hard and prayed hard and headed in a direction that you feel will be better for our children and our relationship. I wish you would clean out the garage more- but I am still proud of you.

And as I sit today in sunless and cold Oklahoma rather than the beaches of Mexico, I am more than ever reminded of the sacrifice we made. And as I listen to our kids laugh, think about the quick visit from my dad today and clean our new home, I am thankful. I am not tan. But I am thankful. For you. For our kids. And the new life we built. And most of all, I am thankful I was smart enough to marry you. ;)