The pregnant brain is an amazing thing. Doesn't amazing mean CRAZY?? I lay in bed at night with many perfectly rational fears about having another child. How will it change Carson? How tired will I be? Will it be health? How will we pay for it? Will it be a boy or a girl? But what keeps me up the most is my insane fear of an ugly baby.
Now I think I'm a rational person. I know all parents think their babies are beautiful. But COME ON!!! You know you've seen an ugly baby! They are the babies that are always called sweet or precious, or you say "Look at those feet!". Or at least that's what I say. (Guess I'm gonna have to make an effort to say CUTE since I've told my secret) I really think I had a pretty baby the first time. Now, there were a few months where Carson had the ring of fire going on with his hair and when I put him in a white button down and a tie he could have passed for Danny Devito. MY POINT is that I can recognize when my baby looks dumb. And I'm SO AFRAID #2 being ugly. WORSE, I'm afraid of #2 being an ugly GIRL! I'm so afraid that if #2 is ugly that I won't love it as much as Carson. (Yes, I'll quit calling my baby an "it" once I know the sex!) I'm afraid that when strangers stop us in public to look at our baby they'll give the shocked look, then turn to CARSON and say "look at those eyes". Now can you imagine this happening to a ten year old girl????
I know that is really a bad and terrible thing to say, but I just can't be the only one out there with this fear. I may be the only one to ADMIT this fear, but I can't be the only one to have it. But, I guess I just cross my fingers and hope for a pretty baby. I mean a HEALTHY baby.
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