This is it

I don't have much time today but I wanted to weigh in on some thoughts as I am beginning my LAST day of pregnancy....

First, it's strange to know that a big moment in life like pregnancy will have passed by tomorrow at this time. So strange that I am growing up so fast... You spend your whole life, if you are a girl, knowing that SOMEDAY you'll be pregnant- you may even spend half that life hoping that you don't GET pregnant- and then one day that time is over. It's just strange...

I am also feeling a sense of RELIEF!!! I really don't like being pregnant. I don't feel the connection with my babies while in the womb as much as others- instead I feel like I am growing a tumor that makes me sick and miserable. Luckily, that changes once the baby comes...

I am sad that it won't just be the three of us. But am calming my thoughts on that matter by remembering the fact that I have NEVER heard anyone say "Man, wish I hadn't have had my second kid" and by focusing on all the joy Carson has brought us and knowing that Lyla will do the same. AND on the idea of seeing Carson as an older brother. How neat will that be? I can't wait.

I am nervous about the c-section. More so than last time b/c I was too tired after 14 hours of labor to care much. I just wanted to meet Carson. But, strangely and more calm about the WHOLE experience b/c at least I know what to expect. Maybe calm isn't the word, but prepared.

I am also finding myself sad about that fact that I may never again hear Josh say at 6pm "Go ahead and relax! I'll take care of everything!" And by the fact that I'll probably get told no when I wake Josh up at midnight for a bowl of cereal. And that I won't eat a chunk of chocolate cake without guilt again. Or take naps daily if I want and NOT feel like I'm being lazy. You know, all that "special treatment" you get while pregnant- well that will be out the window! Oh well, I don't accept help well anyway~

BUT, I will get to run again!!!! I will get to have C jump into my lap w/o having to worry about elbows in the tummy (in a few weeks anyway). I will get to bend over and shave my legs w/o pain or doing to blind. I will SLOWLY get to feel like myself all while knowing that my family is finished being made. We can begin our new life as a complete family of four.