Warning: The following may read like my mind thinks...

I think I mentioned a few blogs back how we are addicted to change, well I'm writing this with my heart beating fast and feeling a little like I could puke...You see, my husband is finally doing what we've spent the last month and a half painfully deciding. He is quitting his job to go into business with my dad.

I know that sounds great. What's the deal? Well. He's initially loosing a good chunck of his salary to do this. It won't be for forever, just a few years, and I'm going back to work to make up the difference, but seriously, walking away from a high salary, knowing that in a year it could be DOUBLE??? It's scary. Makes me wanna puke. BUT, he will be getting to buy in and be part OWNER in the company he works for. Not only will this be a total motivator, it will mean more money. But change this big is still just scary.

I have been SO proud of Josh for all he has done at TS Dudley. In only five years he's gone from a rookie landman who knew nothing, to crew chief, to an associate prospect manager. And has been guarenteed another promotion within 6 months from now. He has done in 5 years what many landmen work 15-20 for. He has done well. I am proud of him.

BUT. We have debated and prayed, prayed and debated and we feel that this change will allow us to have a more well balanced life.

It's all about quality of life and finding a happy balance between work and friends and family.
Philip Green

This is just one of the quotes I've found while soul searching lately. And I feel that this quote is what has been the driving force behind our decision. Josh and I value our marriage above most things in our life second only to our children. And staying with Dudley doesn't allow for the marriage we hope to have. I am simply not a wife that is happy with my husbands credit card instead of seeing my husband. We value our time together and want to live life TOGETHER. We BOTH want to raise our kids, we want to see their school play at 10am and want to put them to bed together every night. We feel this job will allow us to enjoy our life. We want to work our butts off in our 30's, work in our 40's and hardly work in our 50's. Josh wants to be his OWN boss instead of working 14 hour days for someone else.

Now, he is going to be in for some HARD work for the next few years. Have I mentioned he doesn't know a THING about insurance? Again. Scary. Not to mention the fact that he has to earn his keep...scary.

But Josh WILL suceed. He has never failed at anything he has put his mind to. He will love it and he will do a good job. And he will be happy. Which is what I want more than anything. Happiness.

While I am scared, if I haven't mentioned that before, I am also so EXCITED I am about to BUST! Because this obviously means we get to move home.

I simply can't wait to live in Oklahoma again. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Katy, there's NO town like it in OK. Wish I could pack the town and my friends and bring it all with me, but I can't.

I don't really fit here. I am an OKLAHOMA girl, but I never knew that till I left. Having all the options around here is FANTASTIC, but it overwhelms me so I choose nothing. There is so much I feel I have to keep up with here- and I don't want to play. I don't want my steak to cost $50 with no sides, I just want to have my dad slaughter a cow and throw it on the grill. I wanna hang out in my trailer at the lake and karaoke at a place called the Coconut Shack, where mullets have not gone out of style. And the best part is, I wanna teach IN THE CLASSROOM at SSC and I can! YEA!

Are there things I'm gonna miss? YES! For example, HEB. Oklahoma has no idea what a grocery store should be like. You should be able to shop while sampling wine. You should be able to shop in a HEALTH SECTION. You should be able to buy fresh fish, sushi, granola. You should be able to shop in a CLEAN store where the checkout lines are OPEN. HEB, I will miss you.

Oklahomans wonder why they are fat... Well, it's because there is no where to exercise. NOT IN CINCO RANCH! There are MILES AND MILES like HUNDREDS of MILES of sidewalk. This is where the sidewalk does NOT end. It's fantastic. And everyone walks, runs, bikes ON these sidewalks and burns CALORIES....Cinco Ranch I will miss your sidewalks.

Wonder why only 30% of Oklahomans have a college degree? It's because we don't value our school systems. The schools down here are nicer than Universities. They have fine arts centers, great athletic facilities, WELL PAID teachers. And students who graduate ready for college. Texas has schools figured out. Texas schools...well we don't go yet...

Katy is hard to leave. There are great opportunities, we've made great friends, Carson's made great friends, we've been embraced with love by our small group. We will miss the town and all those in it.

I am also restarting two of my biggest LOVE/HATE relationships, school and running.

I have decided to start working on my PhD this fall in Health Psychology and Behavioral Medicine... I know MORE SCHOOL? My best friend Tracy says "You sure do love school". But I don't really. And I do. Maybe it's my defense against growing up. If I'm still in college I can't be a REAL grown up right? (I guess not, since my daddy's not paying any more, but hush). I REALLY hate having homework ALL the time and I hate writing papers, but at the same time I really do value education and I love learning. And for the FIRST TIME I am getting a degree in something I LOVE learning about.

I am also training for a half marathon in November. HALF! I decided since I gained half the baby weight with Lyla then as a reward, I only have to train for HALF a marathon. Of course, right now, even 13.2 sounds way too far!

So lots to do! And of course, I have two kids under three, a house to sell, a house to buy, a house to move out of, one to move into, a job to start, a new course to develop for fall, a husband to clean up after and I'd like to have a little fun. Listing it all out kinda makes me think "If I can do all this, won't I be like super woman?" I think so!

I like accomplishing things that feel impossible. And right now a LOT of things feel that way. Selling a house alone can feel that way. But we will do it.

I found a few other quotes that have helped me out:

My philosophy of life is that if we make up our mind what we are going to make of our lives, then work hard toward that goal, we never lose - somehow we win out. Ronald Reagan

Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.

But my FAVORITE is:

When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way. Wayne Dyer

I'll go do something more productive now. While hoping my husbands boss lets him work for a while longer. Otherwise, we will be heading home this weekend.... Anyone want company... :)